Thursday, March 8, 2012


I am an amazingly punctual person. When I make plans, I tend to keep them. If I can't, I always call stating that I'm late or that something came up that was unavoidable.

It really bothers me when people don't extend the same courtesy. It is like they are saying, "You are not important enough for me to care about." That hurts. Probably more than it should, but it's one of my quirks and most people seem to accept it. My being a type A personality also does not lend itself easily to explaining why it hurts to break future plans, to forget about them or miss them. It's hard to talk about feelings. It's hard to acknowledge them for fear of causing the other person to be upset. It's a horrible cycle. Get hurt from breaking plans, can't talk about it, wound festers, reopens later....etc.

Pretty sure this could be related back to Jesus, grace, forgiveness, etc. but I'm just not feeling up to it tonight. On ward.

I was selected for a role in a movie. Not the role I thought I had gotten, not the role I wanted but a role nonetheless. This role also gives me considerable hesitation. Part of me wants to take it just because it's a role and I haven't had a part in a while. Most of me wants to say no, sorry but it conflicts with my beliefs and doesn't make me feel secure. I am really hoping that the director understands my hesitations and is willing to work with me. I would really love to have a part and be able to work and act.

To sum all of this up, I'm really stressed out.