wednesday

Morning- Laptop fixed! Yay new motherboard!It charges!

Afternoon- So. Hot. Might. Melt.

Evening- Mow mow mow the yard! On the riding lawn mower! Its really not such a big chore, it just takes forever!

Night- Hello good book. Nice to read you.


My typical Wednesday.

fix it

I'm currently waiting on the Dell Fix-it guy to get here to fix up my poor little laptop.

Oh look. He just called me.

He's half an hour late...

Why yes guy, I will tell you how to get to my house...

You're in Bolivar??

Thats an hour away...plus the time that you'll get lost...so another hour and a half....

Poor little laptop. You'll get fixed soon.

you really need to date.

I just love when the topic of my love life comes up and I'm told I need to be kinder to cute guys my age. And to find a cowboy cause those are the only ones that are worth messing with anyway.

I'm also completely sarcastic about that. I hate it. I'm not dating. Mostly by choice, partly because guys don't want to date a girl that can hang like one of the guys.

kinda wants to make me cry when that topic comes up.

like rubbing salt in a open wound.

sometimes, i really just want someone to talk to.

tuckered out

I'm so tired. Spent yesterday and today at work with last night, after work, going out with my grandma to Joplin/Oklahoma. I'm worn out. And tomorrow I have the morning shift. Which means more tired. Its only 9:30 and I may go to bed early...just to sleep.

This week I plan to buy some more fishies (my tanks are looking pretty bare), brown boots and a new water bottle (see busted aluminum one). So many fun adventures!

twilight

Those aren't my fireflies. I wouldn't put them in a jar because that's cruel, however, I do like the way that they look when they are in a jar. All lite up and pretty like that. Shining their little butts off. Outside they are flickering and flying around so nicely. I wish I could catch them on camera but they are way to fast for my poor slow shutter. If I could draw better, I'd put it on paper. If I could paint....well that'd be super sweet cause then I wouldn't need a camera. I love it when the lightening bugs are out. Its always the perfect time to go sit on the porch and listen to the birds and bugs and cows. Its quite possibly my favorite time of day. Every thing seems much calmer and all the stresses far away. I'd like to be able to sit out there every day.

Miss and Wish

I wish I could sing well.
I miss music.
I miss my fingers flying over the keys and the feel of notes and taste of cane.

I miss choir and band.
I wish I wasn't so self conscience of my music.

Wish people could hear me play.
Wish people could have heard me sing.
Miss the smell of old and new sheet music.
Miss the sight of a drill book and the marching bells.
Miss the rush of excitement before a game or competition.
Wish music was a bigger part of my life.

i can't hear you

I want to type about something, but there isn't much to type about. I spent the vast majority of my day at work and will do the same tomorrow. Tomorrow is my Friday, which always throws me off a little.. I finally asked for more evening shifts Tues-Thurs because I get antsy with nothing to do on those days. A lot of my life seems to revolved around work. Regardless if I hate it or love it, it takes a lot of my time and effort. Sometimes I feel as if its all that happens, and other times it seems like there isn't enough of it. Most of the time I just wish I didn't have to work on Sundays, or at least Sunday mornings because I'd like to go to church again. Its weird and not weird to not be going to church every Sunday. I grew up not going to church, so its kinda normal for me not to. But on the other hand its something that I do for the majority of the year...not that its a hard habit to break.

The television is unusually loud in this house. To me, its deafening. To others, its barely audible...Honestly it hurts my ears a lot. I always feel a little deafer when I have to sit with it on because I can't hear people talking to me. It reminds me of middle school band when I had to sit next to the worst flute player...ewwwww

boys are lame.

Boys are weird. Pretty sure they are from the outer limits of the furthest universe. Seriously. I mean, even when they are old they are weird. I have proof....because of where I work I get to interact with lots of people, and a lot of guys. The younger they are the more shy but will stare forever. The older they are the more brash and willing to say stupid stuff and make blatant comments. Its just insane. And really simple, if you like a girl, tell her. If you want to talk to a girl, do so. If you want to take her out, ask her. Its so dang simple. Gah. And if she's not interested, well its obvious ain't it? You're getting nothing back. Its not like the signs are hard to read.

topic of much frustration for me.

work fussing

I like my job. I really do. However, I do not like being the one that they call when someone has decided that they'd rather go out and party. I don't like having to change all my plans that I had for the next day just because someone decided that they have better things to do than to show up for work. I know that I get more hours and it shows how reliable I am. But, frankly, I don't like having to rearrange my day off to go to work. Tomorrow I was going to finish mowing (its a lot of stinkin' mowing), finish a book, dye some curtains and play with my horses. Perfectly good day that is ruined by a 11am to 7:30pm checking shift. Tomorrow I'll be okay with it probably, but right now...ugh. I guess at least I get to sleep in a little bit.

hate

I hate being called Becky. I hate it with the passion of 10,000 suns beating down on the earth in the middle of august. Hate it even more when I tell a person to not call me that, twice, and they still do. UGH!

30 days and GO!

Today I bought Jillian Michael's 30 day burn....and Ben and Jerry's (haha). Hopefully, 30 days from now I will have more stamina and be able to enjoy my runs with my dog a little more. So, hold me to it folks. I plan on doing it five days a week, and then on one day walking for an hour and then the last day is the recoup day. Here's to it working.

Also realized today that my phone has rang once in two weeks and it was work. Sad.

grr.

Work today, well yesterday, can be described in one made up word- suckage. Very few things seemed to go right and most of the time I felt like I was breaking everything. Luckily I know how to fake a smile and get through things like that. Mentally I was cursing who ever invented the stupid machines and decided to not pick up the phone for customer support and fix the stupid things. Ugh. This one place had me on hold for 15 mins. They only had one soft jazz song that started with a high pitch note from hades. It looped about ever minute or so. Ugh. Now its 13:40 at night and my mind is so wound up and angry that I can't sleep. drat drat drat darn. I just want to fuss and moan and kick. I'd like to go ride or something to get out all of this anger, but I can't cause its dark out. Darn you sun for not waiting up for me! bahumbug.

work

Today I work 3-10, which throws me off because I have been working morning shifts and right now, I feel as if its a day off of work. I kinda wish I did have the day off because I'm just tired. I spent 10.5 hours in the store yesterday. And for me there gets to be a point where there is nothing to do. I hate being that person who will focus and get everything done because for the last five hours of work, I have nothing to do. To find something yesterday I cleaned the register. As in, there is no dust on that thing. Everything was cleaned off and dusted and looking pretty when I left last night. Hopefully tonight there'll be a stack of tags to stick or papers to cut or something to put up. I'm not fond of being that person who sits around on their duff and gets paid. So I stand. A lot. And bag. And beg for something, anything to do. I probably drive my boss crazy asking for something to do, because the others don't ever seem to want to do anything. Oh well. After today, I get the next four days off. Which I really like. I like my job. I get to rack up lots of hours while having a few days off. Greatness.

Other than that. Its still weird here.

:)

Go Germany! Go Muller! Go #13!

I Love World Cup Soccer!

made my day.

granted i did spend 10 and a half hours in a grocery store.

yup

The world cup started today. Naturally I forgot to tape the matches because I got super irritated this morning. Luckily there were highlights...otherwise I might have suffered major withdrawals. Tomorrow is the game that I'm really looking forward to! England vs. Usa! And its already set to tape since I have to work tomorrow...boo. Not that I don't like my work, I do...its just annoying when there's other things that I really want to do.
Things here are still weird. Not really sure what to do with everything going on, but time will tell I guess.

yay soccer?

world cup note

Dear World Cup,

First off, I love you. Thank you for forming and making my summer amazing. Tomorrow, your games begin and I will be sitting in front of my television cheering on the teams that I like, a lot. If you could find a way for Germany to win all, that'd be super. Also, Italy, Mexico and South Africa deserve high spots. Except in the game tomorrow. Tomorrow please let it be a completely dirty game (which I like) and have Mexico make some really wicked plays. That is all. Thank you.

Love,
Me

New Tunes

There's this newish band that I've heard about. They are pretty good and you should give them a listen by going here. They are called the DandieLions and come from Kansas. Sooo...yeah...check them out yo. Or you can listen here-- Monster Inside by DandieLions

marriage.

Recently, a lot of my friends have been getting married. Also, a lot have been getting pregnant/having babies, but that's a different story. We're sticking to marriage today. And well, frankly, its depressing to someone who hasn't dated in over two years now and once had those same silly thoughts. So...after finding out about the latest one, I texted my bff. Our convos rock...

Me- Talk about fast! Saw the pics online...When will we get married? Lol

Her- Hopefully not until after I get my master's degree

Me- three more years
Her- Exactly. You can married before then if you'd like, but I need advanced warning so I can get my ticket

Me- I'll let you know two to three weeks prior haha

Her-oh [great]--I'm doomed

Maybe its not so funny to anyone else, but it is to me. But frankly, I don't understand why everyone seems to be getting married so young. I mean, the average person will live till around 80. That's a lot of years. And getting married at 20...that's 60 years with the same person. Just over half a century with the same exact person. To some that seems awesome and everything....but I'd like to have some of my own life experiences before I stick myself with someone. I mean, seeing some of the world, spending more time with friends, doing things I enjoy and not having to ask another if I can stay out late or go here or there. Most people I know will disagree with me, and that's cool. Opinions differ and that's what makes life interesting. However, to my young friends, really think before you go and get married so young. You may be in love now, and I wish you the best, but think. That's my soapbox...I'm off...

things vs reality

Things I wanted to do today:

• Go to town and gas up my car
• Grab my work schedule
• Work on decluttering my room
• Go through books
• Take Harley on a walk
• Laundry

Things that got done (so far) today:

• 3 movies
• one basket gone through
• Laundry

For a day off, I'm still considering this a productive day. Only other thing I really want to do is pick cherries...but I don't think I'm going to do that either. Kinda tired. Kinda worn out. Just want to chill out and do nothing. I'd like to go out and skate, but can't. I'd love to go out and ride, but can't. Its. Sunday. And my power just went out...it came back on. Its been happening a lot lately. Oh well. Ho hum.

I think the turn-around shift killed me. 3-10Friday, 8-4:30 Saturday. I feel like I live there sometimes. Tomorrow is another 8-4 shift...at least I won't be up half the night cause of work.

work

Back to work back to work. Long breaks are nice....when I've been there for a while. I like my work I like my job. I sound like a cotton headed ninny but I do! :)

rain.

Well, its another stormy night in Missouri. I have been watching the radar for the past threeish hours just to make sure nothing bad was going to come by in the night. I like thunderstorms and rain and such, just not when severe weather can also occur. I really hate those kinds of storms. Luckily, this one is mostly just rain. Silly activity killing rain. Silly motivation killing rain. There was so much that I wanted to accomplish today...and I got none of it done. Spent most of my day watching NitroCircus and Built to Shred wishing I was half as good at the sports as they are. Maybe if I ever get a place to practice I'll be able to work on my limited skills.

Currently, Whose Line is it Anyway? is on. This show has always made me laugh and has been a source of joy when I watch it. But not tonight. Barely a smile is escaping. Its weird. Its like I can't let go of things that are bothering me to enjoy a simple thing. That hasn't been a problem before. I've always been able to let things go and just enjoy a show or book or whatever. But this, this won't let me be. Its probably because it has decided to move in and take up residence in the living room. This might be the motivation I need to get my room done for the summer...

This sucks. I really don't have anyone here to talk to. (this is also going to begin my complaint about being here, log off now if you really don't car). I have no friends in this town or the next over. The only people I talk to that aren't related to me are those I work with and I don't hang out, visit with, etc with them out of work. My closest friend(s) are two and a half hours away. And my friends at school all have busy summers working, being social etc and I couldn't and wouldn't ask them to do anything but that. They all deserve this break that we get from school. I'm just really lonely. Really really lonely. Even the voice in my head is tired of talking to itself and wishes for someone new, something new. I kinda long for the old days when I could just ring up a friend and go hang out...and it not take major planning, taking time off of work, a tank of gas. One of these days I'll live close to friends. I hope.