One week...

It's sunny! Glory hallelujah, It's sunny! All my plants are sitting happily in the windowsill soaking up the sun. It's perfect read a book and nap in the sun weather. It's nearly spring! I love it.

In a week I'll be getting another year older. According to the weather channel, it's supposed to be 63 and raining. Yay. Just what everyone wants on their birthday...rain. the original plan was to have a luau at a friend's house, with said friend and other person who shares the same birthday. Three of us at one school....crazy! But it looks like that one is starting to fall through. Slightly disappointing, but it's ok. I really haven't thought much about what I want to do or even want on my birthday. Really I'm just worried and wondering about other things- which need to be settled by Thursday of this week which really racks my nerves. The last time I did anything big for that day was when I turned 18, and it was in between a split shift at work. It was fun though. I'd like to get fancy and go out with a couple friends and out to a movie, but it's a Wednesday, so that's not terribly smart. I think I'll do what I do on every Wednesday, go to classes, go to chapel, babysit, go to crochet circle and work. Maybe not work, but I should go to work. Lots of people would groan and start the "You should live it up! Party!" etc argument, but...I'm not at a party school, nor would I really want to. Not gonna lie, there is a part of me that would love to have a 'surprise' party and dance all night and be silly. Have a total celebration of me.
As for what I want...no idea. I'm pretty content. Only thing I really want is for this thing to work out. That's pretty much it. I would love several new pairs of high heels, jewelry, etc, but it's not practical to wear those at school. Mostly cause walking up and down all the stairs would be a beast but partly because of the questions of "Who you dressing up for?" and "Why are you all fancy?" Can't a girl just dress nice cause she wants to and wear heels when she feels like it? I would like a pair of high heeled boots though. Wedge or normal heeled.

So, this is what's been on my mind today. This and sunshine and the wondering of what's going to happen. I don't want to bother the person, but I really really need to know. On the bright side, this week is paycheck week so maybe I'll go pick up a new nail polish. My white is all clumpy and gross. It's sad when polish gets old. Like losing a trusted friend. Not as sad as giving away books. That's sad for me. I have a box that is getting ready to go to a friend. I hope she enjoys them as much as I have. Now...I'm off to watch Ellen and read a book.

Cactus!!

While in Arizona, I bought a package of Saguaro Cactus seeds in this outrageously cheesy tourist shop. I waited patiently for my other plants to outgrow the tiny little pots that they were in and finally they did so I planted two pots of my seeds. Which totals about seven seeds because I didn't want to use up all the seeds on my first attempt. After a while of waiting, watering, re-reading instructions and hoping I didn't kill the seeds, this little thing popped up this morning. I got really really excited to see it and am very hopeful about the other seeds sprouting too!

This one below kinda reminds me of Audrey II.
If Audrey II was a tiny green cactus and not a
man eating plant of doom...

It's just so tiny and green and hopeful looking! I can't wait to see more come up and then hopefully keep them alive. I have a couple other plants too growing. a Rainbow Elephant Plant, Dwarf Sunflowers and hopefully orange marigolds. The last two I started from seeds not long ago and are already nearly four inches tall! The other I saved from the rejected plant stand at Lowe's. It's so sad to see all the plants lined up on death row because no one wants the sad looking plant that hasn't been watered in a week. I love spring with all of it's new beginnings and plants.

picture

For spring break I went to Arizona. I know, old news. But it was a blast and I am really thankful for my time there and miss it so. It was so nice and warm and I loved being around the Bff, who I had, and still do, missed terribly. It's a great thing being friends with people. Time can pass and things change, but you know they'll always be there to pull out your real self and remind you and who you are and who you always wanted to be. Anyway, I was looking through my pictures again, and found this gem. I love this picture. It has a dinosaur in it and I believe it is one of the few pictures of me that is really good. So here it is for your viewing pleasure too. My other favorite is with me and a giant cactus because it has a great story behind it. This one was taken on our way to San Diego. Where I fell in love with Cornado, saw a two story Wal*mart and the Big Boy. Oh, West Coast, how good you were to me.
Now to convince the East Coast to get warm...

lists

I'm a list person. I make lists for the day and for future projects and such. Unfortunately, most of my list remains uncrossed off. Like today. I had a list of four things to do. I even went so far as to make a time line of when to do it....yeah. I spent my time watching daytime tv and reading books. So now I look at my list and wonder if if is making me not want to do it. Probably not...more likely it's my laziness.

Flowers in the Attic was the movie of choice last night. Abrupt change, I know. Go with it. I like this movie on two basis, it generally goes along with the book really well and it has some great dialog. Bonus points is most people don't know it. It's great. If you haven't seen it, you should go rent it. Tonight's movie is As good as it gets. Which is not something that I want to really watch, but need to to write a review on it for class.

Today I'm hoping for good news. Crossing fingers and knocking on wood.

Hope

Today, well tonight really, I am supposed to be finding out if I'm going to be helped on an endeavor. Pretty much all my hoping and wishing hangs on this answer, and while it was positive before, I have that awful feeling of being built up just to be let down. You know the one where you're super hopeful and compare your hope to a balloon, and then someone takes a pin to it and it pops super loudly? in my case they usually deflate slowly and sadly, but it's the same effect. I'm hoping beyond hope now that this will hold true and come true.
All of my life I've had to work super hard for things I've wanted to do. And that makes me super appreciative of what I do have. But on occasion I really wish I could have some things just given to me so it wouldn't be so hard. I would like to feel like the rest of the people around me and know what it's like to not have to work my butt of to be able to chase my dreams. It sucks. A lot of the time I feel like I work and work and work, but there's nothing to show for it because what I'm working for isn't what I want to do. It's what I need to do just to get by. I'd love to be able to be carefree. And let me tell you, on the drive there, the time and the way back, I was. I was nervous, sure, but I wasn't worried about anything because it felt right, like what I was supposed to be doing and should have been doing all along. I felt so happy and free.
Now I'm sitting here in a pool of worry and homework hoping beyond hope that this all comes through for me. And now I just got a text I don't have work tonight. More time for homework I guess.

Sorry this is a rambling post. Just what My mind is full of today.

things from the past

This is my struggle.

A long time ago, I fell for this guy. He was sweet and charming, everything a girl could want. Our days were spent in laughter, joy, occasional fights, dancing, songs, cheesy lines and notes. We fit together like awkward puzzle pieces. Then things went wrong. He moved away, but we remained close. Then we got torn apart by our different paths of thinking and what we wanted. After a long while, we talked, things went well, then sour again. So time goes on, I move on, date new people, I assume he does the same too. On occasion I wonder what would have happened if the dreams that were held way back when came true. Or what will happen at the ten year reunion of our class. Sometimes I wonder if he thinks of me, like how on occasion I think of him. But mostly, I am thankful for the chance to have known this boy, this man and to have shared life with him for a while. I am at the place now, where knowing what little I know of what he's doing, I can say I am proud of his accomplishments and only wish the best for him and all of his endeavors. I'd like to say this makes me mature and grown up and such, but it doesn't. I still worry and wonder if he has any negative thoughts about me. If he hopes the best for me too, if he'd flip out if I wished him luck or said "Hey! Hope you are well!"

I worry a lot about what people think of me. People from my past, those in the present and sometimes those who are in the future. I wonder what they think of me, if they hold on to the way things were in the past and have no room for who I am now. I worry about if the things I am doing now are setting me up for future failure, or for betterment. Will future people be offended by my current choices or will they see the changes I have attempted to made to form myself into a better human being? My struggle with wondering about past people and how I have affected them is strong. My heart questions the choices I have made with past relationships while my head tells me that it worked out for the best, for the both of us. My head keeps me level in the placement of people in my life and how everything worked. Unfortunately, my heart loves the loves of the past and wants desperately to know if they dislike me now or not. Its irrational, I recognize that. But the worry plagues me. I suppose my only hope now is that he, along with all those in my past, see the person I have become and can come to terms with the past on their own and live in the present.

If there was one thing I could say to him, it would be to remind him to not stand outside the fire. For life isn't tried, it it merely survived,if you're standing outside the fire. Remember who you are on the inside and fight for that and what you believe in, whether they do or not. Don't be afraid to call late at night, for it's sweet to hear your voice. It'll always be hard to say goodbye, but there's angels watching out for you.

yup.

Today I made a 'to-do' list complete with time slots and all the bells and whistles. Unfortunately, none of the tasks really got completed. I did make it to class, and cleaned my room and went to work...but I haven't done the work on projects, do homework, workout bit. Which might be the more important things in getting me motivated to do stuff. I blame it on the weather, mo own lack of self motivation. Oh to feel the same motivation to get stuff done that I felt in the fall. Curse you Spring Fever.

In other, happier news, my dear roommate bought me a tub of cheese balls. She's super lovely and knows my weakness when it comes to these cheese dusted balls of puffy carbohydrate goodness. I am sure these are going to destroy any attempt at working out, but they are so good it doesn't matter. I'm also working on some chocolate fruit that I did earlier. I don't know what it is about fruit dipped in chocolate that makes a night wonderful, but it works magic on a night that is less than ideal. They also make me feel super classy. All I need is a flute full of sparkling juice to feel even more classy.

Ah well I better start on that project that has been pushed to the far back of the list because of the craziness of the past few weeks. On ward and craft ward!

things

This is where you go to see random questions people have asked me and to ask them yourself:
Formspring

This is where you go to see a bunch of pictures and some thoughts:

Tumblr

This is where my thoughts are contained in 140 characters or less:
Twitter

This is where you go to see where I've been and such:
Foursquare

Where you are now is where bigger thoughts and such are. It's called my blog.

Technology is pretty great don't you think?

Will.

So the new interview went well today. Safe to say I aced it with my charming personality and good looks (thanks genetics!). If I had any experience, I'd be a sure thing. However, I don't. So they want me to take a few classes (30). At the end of 15, I'd be able to work and get more experience (see auditioning for things*) which would be fantastic. However, it costs to take classes. It costs a lot. And even though they are paying half, plus a bunch extra, my pocketbook is coughing up dust. They always say, "Where there is a will, there is a way." Well, this girl has a lot of will and no way. I'm hoping to come up with a way soon because this is such a big will that I'm not sure what to do. Mind you, I'm not passionate about a bunch of things, nor do I obsess over things much. Unless it's a worry, but that's a different story. There are also very few things that I have allowed to linger along in the back of my mind gnawing at me to pay it some attention. I'm paying attention and going with my gut on it. But everything else can't keep up. Honest to say, I feel rather defeated, deflated and discouraged. It's like hearing over again "You can't" "You won't" "Not good enough." But with more oompf because I'm finally taking the initiative to follow my quiet dream. I think I need some reassurance, a plan, a pint of Ben and Jerry's (the chocolate fudge brownie one please) and a fresh mind. And a classic movie as a bonus. It seems that I can't win for losing, but you know what they say....Where there's a will there's a way. This girl is going to find a way.

high hopes.

Thursday I had a sort of pre-interview/audition for a company. Naturally, I was extremely nervous and had a lot of apprehension. But when I got there, it was a lot of fun and I did pretty well I believe. Tomorrow, I have a callback/final interview for said company. I am very nervous about that. With the roommate's help, the outfit has been chosen and hair style figured out. Also with roommate's help the script has been memorized and rehearsed enough, but not too much so it stays natural. Now I'm in the final stage of getting ready for the interview. Which basically means I'm getting everything ready to leave in the morning, painting nails, rechecking materials, praying and attempting not to stress out too much. I'm not outrageously stressed, but a normal amount. I am really wishing and hoping that this works out and opens up to me. This is something that I've kept in as a hidden desire and passion for a long time and finally feel like it's time to act upon it. Hopefully it does. Hopefully these people will take a chance on me and see my future potential.
I really hope this happens.

crossing fingers.

saying lines.

praying for the best.

Mustang Mane Hat

In honor of Gospel Rally, and as a compromise to a few guys,
I present to you, the Mustang Mane Hat!
It's a hat! It's a mane! It's all MACU Spirit!
Available in a MACU student life office near you!

Mustang Pride!
Neigh!

Post Spring Break update

So I've been back on the East Coast for a couple days now and it's been crazy. By crazy I mean super crazy hardly any down time gotta keep moving crazy. But that's okay. Cause soon I'll be able to catch a break. I'm still recovering from the time change and daylight savings thing. It's killer, but I'm living the dream. Or at least what I believe the dream to be.

I'd go over all the awesome of spring break and the Arizona/California trip, but there's just too much. Just know that it was a blast and I'm sad I had to leave. Completely fell in love with the West and it's warmth.

Right now at school we're starting Gospel Rally right after Sunday Night Live and Tuesday Tours. It's a crazy week.

Made a couple of turban head wraps that look pretty neat. I'll load pictures later. Right now I'm going to do some catch up sleep :)

Ready to GO!

So I'm packed and ready to go! I'm really excited to take this trip and hope that everything goes well on it. I might even get a chance to go see a play! Yay!

A little bit of crafting has gone on here. I've loaded the pictures to my tumbler and they can be seen here. Tonight I believe I'll work on a laptop cover for my computer because it'll be put into my backpack all day tomorrow. Now to pick out the colors for that :)


Oh...please keep the trip in your thoughts as well as future plans! thanks all!!

really friday

Is it really Friday? Did the week really fly by to this day? Am I really leaving tomorrow?!
I'm so excited and so nervous. I'm a terrible flyer. Hands down one of the worst. No, I don't go into a panic attack or use the barf bag (I did take those on my last flight to wrap my sister's Christmas gifts....), I just get really nervous. Always have some hiccup before getting on the plane. And my suitcase is always last off the plane and onto the carousel. Since I know all of this, I usually plan accordingly. Oh but I'm so on edge that I'm really leaving. That this awesome thing is really happening to me. I'm really excited to get to spend time with one of my closest friends and travel around with her for a bit. I hope this time will be really fun and full of good experiences.

Oh my.

I should start packing!

Mini Cupcakes!

Tonight I decided to make a cupcake or two.
The first is a chocolate with strawberry frosting and lime sprinkles.

The second is a lemon with blueberry frosting.
So tiny. So yummy.

Think around quarter size.

I would have measured them against one,
but I couldn't find one.

Anyway, for your viewing pleasure...

Tuesday! Yeah!

Oh my gosh! It's Tuesday already! Best part of Tuesday is waking up to study for a mid-term, just to check the e-mail to find out that class isn't happening today and it's a take home test! Closed book, but still great. So for the time that I would have been studying, I decided to break open the seldom used Pandora and dance it out to some very upbeat songs (think Train, Lenka, Adele, A Fine Frenzy, etc). Great morning! Though now I feel a little empty that I didn't have class. Oh well, guess that means more time to finish papers up before Friday so I don't have to worry about work all next week. Or I could use it to finish a project or two! Yeah! That sounds a lot better!

In the crafting realm of my life, finished another horse! Whoot! One down, two to go! Let's see..what else have I finished...a couple pairs of barefoot sandals...yeah. That's about it. I've been pretty lazy in the crafting department. However, I really do need to pick it up if next week is going to be my off week of awesome times.

At this moment I am four days away from flying out to see my BFF in Arizona! I'm super excited because we get to go to California and the Renaissance Festival in Phoenix! And apparently there's a free pie night! I'm not a huge fan of pie, but still! I am really excited about getting to go out there and see her and spend an entire week hanging out and having fun. This is my first real spring break. For real. I've never not spent a spring break working before this year. Pretty amazing!

In other news, sent out several more resumes and applications. Keepin the fingers crossed for luck! Maybe one will take soon! Let's hope so!

So that's it for Tuesday! Guess I'll get started on my projects! Whoot!