Kermit

yesterday my cat died.

my mom told me via text.

last semester his brother died.

it is rather sad and disheartening.

it is also quite very rainy today.

which makes it even worse.

i'm really sad he's gone.

girl friends

I have some of the best friends in the world. Honestly.

They are pretty awesome. And here are a few reasons why:

They dance crazily with me at night...

They are fabulous...

Always got my back...

and they enjoy inducting freshmen and looking crazy while doing it...

My girl friends are very special people. These are not all of them, just the ones with whom slightly less than embarrassing pictures have been taken with. They are honestly some of the most brilliant, God-fearing, honest, loving, amazing people I know. And I'm blessed to know them.

Thank you.

stressed out.

I have one and a quarter papers to finish and a few services to type up. However, I do not feel motivated to do it at all. Its the horrible cycle of its not due till noon tomorrow and then the I know it'll take me all of an hour to do it. Now, its not that I don't know how to do it ('cept IBL. No idea on that at all), I'm pretty smart and a very good writer when the will and need strikes. I am just an amazing procrastinator. And what sucks more about that is the fact that it completely and utterly stresses me out. And when I stress, I stress about stressing and then become even more stressed out that I cannot stop stressing. All of that takes its toll in a few ways: either I can't sleep, eat or stop 'doing' or all I do is sleep, over eat and become lethargic. Never is it in the middle, always one extreme or the other. Like currently, I'm stressing out that I am not doing my work, which has caused me to clench my jaw all day, which means now I have a sore jaw and pretty nice little headache. Plus, this go around I'm in the second category so I have been loafing around all day. However, I did make some head way on my work. Its just not enough. What sucks even more is that because of my 'dealing' strategies, not even notices when I'm fully stressed out. The close friends I have can tell, but many others cannot. And when its the weekend and everyone is home, or on their way back, or just not here, there really isn't anyone to stop and ask if I'm okay and if everything is going well. Which is something that I would really love someone to recognize and ask. Not being asked stresses me out. That's probably weird. What's even weirder is now I'm stressing out that I can write an entire blog, but I can't get past a second page on a paper on my opinions. Ugh. Right now, I would like a dimly lit bath with a ton of bubbles and warm water, some good soft music, soft towels and a good book. Relaxation. A moment to recollect my self and then begin the slow, methodical process of typing.

crazy

This past 24 hour period was a real roller coaster. If you know me well, you'd know I hate roller coasters. They make me ill, and cry, and pretty much just want to break down. That's both the real ones and metaphorical ones. Pretty much, I started out on this pretty nice ride, got to an unexpected high and crashed without much warning. The realist in me knew it was coming so I was kinda prepared, but the silly optimist squelched it's warnings and just let it go on. It...yeah. Long story short, not fun.

However, this is going to be a fun weekend. Or at least it looks like it will be. A few of us are supposed to go to the beach, which I am completely stoked about. I love going to the beach and hanging out with my friends. Mostly I love the beach, but don't tell them that...

I wanted to write something really inspirational when I started this, but I really had nothing of importance to say. Its just been a crazy time.

poem

lets just walk at night

and take pictures of the crazy things we see.

Telling stories from our memories.

I'll show you the knights and dragons,

you'll show me the maiden fair.

We'll spin a tale through the midnight air.

As we capture the silent still in our black lenses

ghosts and goblins caught on the negatives.

Racing through the shots and scenes,

the connection growing like a weed.

And when we come the the end of the path,

film spent and story waned,

i'll gasp as we look back and you'll take my hand,

as we trek back, once again.

questions

Lately things seem to be in a rush and in slow motion at the same time. Which is really weird considering nothing is out of normal. Nothing much has changed beyond the date. Maybe its the anticipation of something big that I am not currently aware of. Or it could just be the stack of things that seem to have piled up when I wasn't looking. Not that things really have piled up, but I want to think so, so that I can have a better reason to procrastinate.

Since I got the official news that I can go to Berlin next summer, lots of things have been running through my mind. Will I be able to raise the money in time? What will my family think? Will I know enough German to talk to people? What will happen when I am not home? Will they be okay? Will my work hate me for not going back next summer? Does this mean I am really going to graduate and grow up? What will I do there? Will I be okay? What if something major happens back home? A million and one questions keep circling around my mind and it hurts to think about them and question everything. I know that I really want to go, that is is something that I've been wanting to do for a long time. But all the what-ifs cause me to doubt myself, the trip and everything involved. Its like a poorly written science-fiction novel right now. Hopefully, everything will straighten out and be okay.

It looks like my procrastination will have to come to an end because my friend is coming down to watch the videos for the online class we're in together. On the upside, its one of the two things I need to finish today. On the downside, the videos suck. A lot.
Love on.

yay!

Today I got some really great news. You all know how I love books and Germany and missions. Well, all three are going to come together next summer for...are you ready?...

Rebecca in Berlin 2011!

It would be a better alliteration if it was 2010, but its 2011. I am super excited about this opportunity, and as I get more information on it, I'll tell you more about it. I hope you all take some time to check out what I'll be doing and maybe give some thought to supporting me on this mission trip. Okay that's all! Hope you're having a righteous weekend! Love on!

flattery

To flatter and follow others, without being flattered and followed in turn, is but a state of half enjoyment.
Jane Austen

she's right.

papers

Sometimes, when I have to write papers for class I like to hold a mini-competition between myself and an knowing (or unknowing) competitor...

its worked quite well so far to raise my grade

and self esteem

(much less theirs haha)

also, i like to sometimes pretend i'm writing like my friend meggers

(who is a really good writer and english graduate)

it makes me sound smarter

night pictures

Something that needs to be done more often is walking on the beach at night. Along with that is the night picture taking, which I have a great fondness for. I like to take pictures at that time because everything is just more mystical and neat. Also- its super rare for me to be at the beach after dark so it makes it even more special. I like it. A lot. So if you're ever wondering about what you should do with me, take me to the beach at night and bring a good camera and a flashlight.

Or just anywhere at night with a camera and flashlight.
It'd be fun.

Perfect Sunset

This evening I sat outside on one of the swings reading until it came for the sun to set. I had been anticipating this and forgotten that you can't see the sun set out here. This summer when I wasn't working, I sat outside on my front porch and watched the sun go down and every time the awesomeness of it was just wonderful. There was this one sunset that I enjoyed the most. In short, it was perfect.

The sun was a brilliant yellow ball rimmed with the orange that can only be found on maple trees in november. The rest of the sky was a fiery red that led up to a pale pink before a small strip of blue before the purple of the dark sky hit. All of the clouds seemed to be aflame with color. Looking straight up you could see the millions of stars start poking through the dark veil. All around you could hear birds sing, crickets start tuning and distant cows moo for one another. You could look straight ahead to where the sun was setting above the tree line, across the pasture and watch the cows slowly move from one pasture to the next while the lightest breeze seemed to wisk away the humid air and bring in the sweet night air. It smelled of grass, hay, dirt, air and a faint, faint smell of cows and horses. When the sun was just peeking over the tree line, about to fade away for the night, the fireflies started blinking around the yard and the crickets began their chorus with the few locusts that were around. The air got cooler and just made everything alright. By then all the stars were out and were flickering away. The moon had just started its watch over the land.

that was my perfect sunset.

Sneak Day!

Today was sneak day. Sneak day is the time honored tradition where the seniors get together and plan a getaway day for the class body without telling anyone, even the professors. Naturally, the professors find out, and are okay with it. Over the recent years, they have known more about it and are asked to come, but only after 9am. This day starts at 5am by all the seniors waking up the underclassmen. My weapon of choice was the airhorn. 'Twas loud, hated and effective. This year it had been decided that we were to go to the Outer Banks of Nc, have a sunrise devo at Son Rise Church (get it? i didn't at first) and then go to Grog's. Grog's is this really cool place that rents out jetskis and has dolphin tours. The people on sneak day got to choose which one to do. I went with the dolphins considering I like them and haven't seen any that close that aren't separated from me by glass. Afterwards, we had this super nice lunch and then went to the beach for a bit. But back to lunch. I got asked to get the beans that were left at the church, so I did. And poor Aimee was the person who got to have them on her lap. Now beans have a fair bit of juice in them, well in the stuff you cook them in. And when you pair that with a container that doesn't seal all the way plus a moving vehicle, you get bean juice all over the inside of your car. It was quite an adventure and my car now smells of baked beans.
All in all, sneak day was pretty much awesome. But now I have to go memorize a bunch of words that I don't want to memorize. Frankly, I just want to go to bed. Soon. Very soon.

elephant

I made an elephant today. He'd going to go live in the room next to mine with a nice lady who will take great care of him :)

He got all snazzy in prep for meeting his lady haha

he kinda reminds me of a heffalump...

Gotta love that orange carpet....

so there he is! macka!

fizzled out

Well Hurricane Earl has came and mostly left. It was much less stressful than everyone, including me, thought. According to the previous reports, we were supposed to get killer wind and tons of rain. It rained just enough for me to wear my super awesome galoshes, but that was about it. Its stopped now and has been for the couple hours I've been out of class. Its not really windy either. There are a few boats out on the river right now too, if that gives any more indication of what the weather is like outside. My car did get tarped yesterday evening, and I honestly have no intention of uncovering it anytime soon, because, well, it means the inside of my car is still dry and I'm perfectly okay with that. When it gets sunny and not wet I guess I'll uncover it to go places. Right now, that's not my biggest concern. Some of the crazy kids who live at the beach are going home for the weekend to chase the storm or some nonsense like that. Crazies.

In other news, by Monday there will be two new little creatures that will be finished. super excited about that! I finished one part of them last night and its super cute so I can't wait for the other to get done. :)

Glee!

T-minus 20 days till Glee!
21 till Bones!

I'm Gleekin out man! I'm am so pumped for the new season! And for Bones! YEAH!

and on a happy note- no evacuation! well, at least for tonight and possibly tomorrow! this makes me super extremely happy!