time

Sometimes, mostly on the weekends, I am amazed at time. How slow it goes when there is nothing to be done, how quickly it passes when you're not looking. When I look back on the years that have passed, it feels like I was just in high school working on plays, studying lines, struggling through math, doing science projects and trying to speak German. Some times it feels like just yesterday I was playing on the beach in Hawaii and building houses for my barbies with my friend. Running through the woods in Missouri to find the pond to build fairy houses near or to try to catch a fish with some string and a stick. But then I look at all the time it took to get through all those memories, and it amazes me that I've made it this far. It's astounding that I've made it 22 years in life with a few minor bumps and bruises. I mean, I'm not exactly the most graceful person around, so I think my track record is pretty good so far. The way time moves is amazing. It speeds up when we're not ready for something, slows down when we can't wait and in a blink of an eye it changes everything. I guess all that really matters about time is what we do with it when we have it. I'm not going to lie and say I've lived my life without regrets or missed opportunities, but I'm starting to come around to the fact that I can take what time I have now and change it so that I will end up the person I have always wanted to be and held inside. Like Sartre said "No matter what we have been, we can make choices now and become something quite different." That thought from him made me think about the choices that I am making now and what I am doing with the time I have left. It's crazy to think that so much can happen with just a couple steps in the right direction. With a little luck and a lot of hoping added in too naturally. There is so much time left in my life, and it's insane. It''s taken so long for me to realize that what I was being formed into wasn't who I wanted to become. The person who I want to be is still there still waiting to get the chance to shine. That sounds amazingly cliche and really dumb. But it's true, there's something I've always wanted to do, and really believe that I deserve to take the chance and discover what I could be and what could come from it. And soon I believe it will finally be my turn to take that chance. I can't wait for that time, which means it's going to seem like forever. But when I make it there I'll get to look back to this and go, "Man, it just feels like yesterday I was writing about this." I can't wait to get to that point where I look back and say all those moments that are so long ago were the ones that shaped me. That those classes I took, those friends I made, those papers I wrote and those dreams I believed in gave me the tools I needed to make the right choices to become something quite different than what anyone believed I would be. I can't wait for my time.

Lots of wishing

Well the giveaway went well today. Quite pleased with it and the results. Got most of a second project done and it will get finished tomorrow. Yay!

Right now getting really nervous about going to Az/Ca next week. I really can't wait to see my Bff and get to hang out with her for an entire week! Really can't wait to do a little road tripping and sight seeing and just general fun times. I'm really nervous about flying, naturally, and about all the fun to be had. Also, California! Whoa! I've already fallen in love with it and haven't made it there yet. One day right?

Still looking at all the prospects for internships and grad schools. Really hoping I get a call from one of the places that I turned my resume into. Lots of crossing of fingers and wishing for the best. And praying that it'll all work out. Good wishes. Good thoughts. Positive thinking.

Giveaway!

Tomorrow is the big giveaway for BexieMorse Designs! Yay! And I finished the item tonight! Yay! It's pretty cute if I do say so myself. And on another awesome note, my camera charger came in today and I got a box from my mother! Triple yay! And my amazing dorm mother gave me the most precious hook bag ever! It has dragonflies all over it and holds all of my hooks and notions so very well! Cannot express how thankful I am for her and every thing she does.

Back to the giveaway!
Here's a picture of what it is. I know, terribly blurry. And no, if you guess it you don't automatically win...

tada!

Put in an application for a really stellar internship, can't have too many chances out there! Fingers crossed people!

Score!

Today was the last Thursday in February so I decided to go up to the mall to redeem my Bath and Body membership card and my Victoria's Secret coupon. I walk into Bath and Body expecting a tiny little thing, like the travel size hand sanitizer. Wrong! What do I get? Three travel sized items! A gel, lotion and spray! Those are normally $5 each, so I got $15 worth of stuff free! Yeah! Pretty stoked about that and the fact it was a new scent! Whoo! Then Victoria's Secret had sent me a set of coupons, one for free and another for $10. I used the free one and gave the $10 off to my friend. She buys stuff there much more often than I do, so I knew she'd use it quick. Oh and the thing I got free was normally $8.50. So I got $23.50, before taxes, of things for nothing! Pretty much, this was an extremely successful shopping trip. Love Thursdays!

Finally reached 50 followers for the BexieMorse page on Facebook which means a giveaway will be happening on Saturday! Yay! Now just have to finish up the item and get it ready to be shipped where ever it needs to go! Excited about that

One week till I leave for spring break! Yay!

Harley

I really miss this dogface.

ending on positivity

Earlier I checked my blog and it said "1988" people have viewed this blog...since I put up the counter. That made me smile because I was born in that year and got all....awwww. Twas a happy moment in time. However that has passed and now I have to figure out how I'm going to manage all these bills that arrived today, plus spring break, plus living expenses. Gosh by golly I love it. (that was sarcastic by the way). It seems like that every time things start to look up, there's always something else waiting to take them down. I guess that's the circle of life, or is it karma? Either way, now it's become a super fun time trying to figure out jargon that no layperson knows. I don't understand why agencies make it so hard to pay them on time. All this tape and big words and general confusion doesn't make it easy to get payments to a group. And then you get fined for not understanding, telling them you don't understand then then being late because they didn't help you out any. What a terrible process we have.

I'm trying to find something positive to end this on.

think. think. think.

I got the box I've been waiting to receive all semester. Has everything I've been waiting for since the beginning of the semester. That was a bonus. More books and chocolate covered cherries (with the clear center not the gross milky center). That's my positive note.

opportunities

Just so you all are aware, the spider has since moved from my window, and remains alive only because it was on the outside of the window and I'm three stories up in a building. Otherwise it would be dead.

In other recent news, heard back from one of the places I really want to intern with. The lady was really nice and I am really excited about this opportunity. However, it's in Arizona. And I'd have to provide own lodging and transportation, etc. Which isn't a huge deal for me. Oh, and it's unpaid. Which again...not a huge deal. I'm going to talk to the lady again later this week and see about doing it after this summer, so I have time to save up and such for it.

Did I mention I have 30 credit hours till I graduate? And am planning to clep one (3) and take two during the summer (6) so that leaves 21 credits during the school year. And that's if I don't find another that fits the requirement for another class I want to take for the summer. So I could have just 19 credits for the next year. Naturally all the credits I need are split between two semesters. But I'm hopeful to get done asap. After the internship, grad school! Real jobs! And yes bills. But I'm kinda used to those...seeing as I already have them. I'm excited.

Several more things are in the works. Hoping to see a few of them get started soon and take off. Oh how exciting this is.

update on everything

I love Sundays. How calm and laid back they are. Also how much I accomplish on these days. Saturdays, I rarely get anything done, but Sundays...that's were the action is.
To update a bit on the accomplishments, I have three small bags, about the equivalent of a medium/large bag, worth of clothes to donate. I have a love hate relationship with donating. Mostly because I'll come across a shirt I haven't worn in a bit, but have before and the memories hit me and all. Or it'll be a piece that someone special to me bought me and I don't want to give that up. It's love hate. I love giving them away to people that I know will wear and use them. I just hate coming across memory pieces.
Also mostly finished another puppet. If I didn't give the puppet update on the last one, last weekend I made a horse puppet, MACU themed naturally. It is well loved and awaiting it's big screen debut. Right now I am mostly finished with the owl puppet. So far all he's missing are wings, belly, glasses and about two inches of his body. Other than missing those things, he does look pretty spiffy. Even has a bow-tie. He'll be starring in a movie along side the horse. Which has been named Mack apparently. Not creative. I would have gone for Murdock, Madeline, Murphy, Mumfrey, or Maxine. But it wasn't my call. Hopefully Mr. Owl will have a spectacular name. Like Fredword.

In the crafting realm, going to start two horses tomorrow. Luckily, they aren't rush orders so there hasn't been a huge hurry on them. I'm attempting to get them finished by Wednesday so other projects can be taken on. Speaking of doing things, three more people to like the facebook page before the giveaway! Guess that means I need to bust out the giveaway item(s) pretty soon. I'm considering finishing one of them tonight and posting "sneak peaks" to drum up more interest. Sounds like a good idea at least...
In other news, Monday starts the round of job calling again. Tuesday I have a pseudo job interview for a counseling center not far from my home doing intern work. I love interning because you get to learn a lot more than if you were just working. There's a place that I really want to work at over the summer and hopefully the person I need to speak to about it will be available on Monday to talk. Crossing fingers on that. Also have tossed out a fair few resumes and stuff to places in the hopes something will bite. Really hoping something there does. Also considering taking a few pictures to a place in town to see how they'd sell here. Oh and checking out venues to sell some crafty things. Considering putting up a flyer/business card up in a local coffee shop. Never know...
Speaking of items up for sale...if you're MACU affiliated, you should check out the hats in student life. Most of the money for the hat goes to the student life fund. As in, for the $8 you pay for the handmade hat, $6 goes to student life. And for every four sold, the fourth's proceeds all go to student life. Yup. Spirit hats. Get yours now, so you'll look cool next fall. And be uber prepared for spirity things.
Sidenote: turbans and headbands: yea or nay?

Really that's all that's been going down here.

OH MY WORD THERE"S A GIANT SPIDER IN MY WINDOW! ew ew ew ew ew ew ew
need. someone. to. kill. it.

saturday positive thoughts

Once again, it is Saturday. And once again I got to pull the normal college kid thing of sleeping in until noon. Part of me is glad for the chance to sleep in this late, but the other part is going, what is wrong with you kid? Get up! Get up! I mean I love sleeping in and my body loves it...but it's like half the day is gone and then to make it up staying up later is always the result. Ah well. I guess getting up at 10 is an adult thing to do and I'm just not there yet.

There are a few things in the works that I'm hopeful about. Please keep them in mind and think positive thoughts about them...

Industrial

Today has been a day of "Why did I get this piercing/tattoo? And why do I regret it now?" Total, I have 6 piercings and 4 tattoos. I used to want to have a ton of tattoos and piercings, but now, I'm starting to realize that isn't really me. The main tattoo one I am rethinking is the one on my back. not because it was badly done or is distasteful, but the reason behind why I got it wasn't the best. I also have an industrial, which I've had for, oh, three years now. I enjoy it, and find it unique, but also the reason behind why I got it isn't the best. Right now I'm looking at the future and the jobs that I want. Pretty sure having an industrial isn't in the dress code for that. My tattoos are easily hide so they don't really count when it comes to dress codes. Maybe I'm at the point in my life where I'm ready to grow up and out of the "Let me be me and do what I want to my body!" phase. Maybe regret is just hitting a little too hard. Could also be vanity. Which does play a huge part in life. Its weird. I can take out my industrial and feel a little lighter. A little empty in that spot but lighter. Sometimes I wish I had a clear retainer just so that for a week I can see what it would be like to look like the girl I used to be. I could also just be a bit dramatic right now. But if you knew the feelings, maybe not..Ok...here goes...
I got my industrial within the first month I came to the school where I am now. In that first month I had moved 1500 miles away from home, had no friends, was hit by culture shock and was dumped by my boy friend who then pushed me as far away as possible and a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm not going to go into right now. The year before, I had been contemplating getting one, mostly because my boyfriend had a bunch of tattoos, by a bunch I mean one, and had gauged ears and such. So I thought it was cool. When that month hit and life was hitting hard something in me went "HEY! You know that piercing you had thought about but was unsure about...yeah do that. That'll show him/them that you are tough and won't break down. Also, he might think it's kinda hott...since he did before." Lovely how the mind works no? So I did it. An entire maybe week of going back and forth and deciding before I went out and got it done. It's been cool having it, it's a great conversation starter...If you like every conversation starting with "Whoa. Did that hurt? Can I touch it?" And now, here I sit, wondering what and why I was thinking that and if I'm ready to give it up now. Am I ready to give up this part of me that has helped define me for three years? Am I ready to let go of those memories and move on? Or has it made me better in a way I can't see right now? Has it helped mold me into a stronger person?
These things I can't answer right now and the only question I'm trying to find an answer to is, Should I keep it?

Valentine's Day!

Happy Valentine's Day!
I got this uber cute bunny from a girl I get to watch :)
She's super sweet and funny.
Loves!

(i also got fun dip from the student life department. best fun dip ever.)

Weekends

Weekends at school are my favorite. There aren't a whole lot of people here and generally it's pretty quiet. It's like a mini vacation from the rest of the week. Plus it seems like the most productive time for me. I get a lot of crafting done, my room gets cleaned, laundry and dishes are finally done and put away. And I usually get to finish a book or two. And on occasion, I get to do something abnormal and go out on a limb that I've been wanting to do for a while. (Let's keep crossing our fingers on that!!) It's been a lovely weekend. Oh, and I've finally began packing up my bff's christmas/vday/birthday present! Whoot! Just got to put a couple more things in and it'll get shipped off to Arizona! Yay!! I'm excited to ship this off to her and I hope she really likes it.


Oh and if you haven't heard yet, 12 more likes on the Facebook page and it's giveaway time! Gotta love it!

hope hope hope

It's one a.m. on a Friday night. I'm not up because of a party, night out with friends, movie or what have you. I'm up because I'm dreadfully nervous. I did something out of the norm for me and am worried that nothing will come of it despite wishes and hopes. If something does come of it, I may not shutup about it for days. If nothing does, well, then I guess everything will go on as usual. But let's all cross our fingers and hope with all our might.

In other things, this is one of the pictures of me that my friend R really likes....

I have no idea what was so funny that night

This is one of my favorites of her...
Mattress surfing for the win!

And the two of us!
There are very few pictures of the both of us
looking at the camera smiling and being normal

Hasn't the world had enough of silly love songs?

I just finished the Valentine's Day themed Glee and it was great. Turned me into even more of a hopeless case than normal. But we gotta keep that on the down-low because I have an image to protect. I know that this may be a bit early, but I want to get a head start on it. Valentine's day is awkward to me. I never had a sweetheart for it until my junior year in high school. Compared to some of my friends, that's pretty late in the game. At that time, and every time after, I told him that I really didn't believe in Valentine's and thought it was rather dumb. Secretly I still wished he's sweep me off my feet, send me flowers, take me to dinner....anything. So, we never did anything. To my first sweetheart's credit, he did do something rather sweet which was buy me my favorite candy and wrote me a note. If you were wondering what type of candy that was, mounds. Love it. Anyway, I always held to the notion that it was a stupid holiday and meant nothing to me. Years went on and eventually I found my self at another Feb. 14 with my second sweetheart. Mind you, there is a gap between the first and second. I told him the same thing. It didn't matter to me and I was going to be at work any way and wouldn't want to do anything afterwards because I'd smell like dogs and be worn out (I worked in a petstore then). So, he and I did just that. Nothing. Still held the wishes for something inside but kept them quiet, because the holiday really is just a ploy from Hallmark to get even more of our money...right? Years go by and here I am now. Still not fully ready to admit that it means anything. But I think every girl has those thoughts inside. You know, the ones where that guy you've been dreaming of just happens to cross your path one day and your eyes just happen to meet and the world happens to stop spinning and time just happens to stop. That you'll get a rose, or any type of flower really (mine's a stargazer lily) in your mailbox along with a note that says "meet me at time at place- xo mystery man". That he'll burst out in song declaring his love for you and start a mass synchronized dance among everyone around.....maybe that's just in my dreams....but still every girl dreams of candlelit dinners, walks during the sunset, fireworks at night,romantic songs.... the whole shebang. And when it isn't there, we tend to get a little tenderhearted. It's a weird thing, this Valentine's day. It brings out those hidden things that we hoped to keep quiet and makes those of us that are hopeless romantics even more so. It's always hard being the h.c. and be surrounded by other people's love. Just got to keep in mind that one day, the whole time standing still thing may happen and then admitting that Valentine's is actually a kinda big thing will come. Until then...it doesn't mean a thing ;)

"'Cause let's face it Rachel. You're better than anyone in this school. You don't need me or any other guy to anchor you to Lima. You're a real star. And you need to shine. Just because I can't be with you, it doesn't mean I don't believe in you." --Finn to Rachel, Glee "Silly Love Songs"

Giveaway!

BexieMorse Designs

Tuesday

• Crochet Circle
• Babysitting
• Homework
• Devos
• Take home test
• Workout
• Project
• Work

Some times I wonder if I take on too much...

suck

Ever feel like the creativity just get sucked out of you sometimes?

that's how i feel right. now.

drained enough to where i can't do homework, can't read, can't crochet. can't even watch television.
what sucks is i feel guilty about it because it all starts when just one person walks in my door. it's too constant. too loud. and i feel so guilty to think this and to act this.
even worse cause i can't say anything about it. i can't tell them how i feel and how i hate how they are here for three, four, five hours. and it's making me sick.

not vomit, flu, sneeze everywhere sick but inside hurting, headache, stress at 100 every day sick.

Just 26 more days. Then I'll be in Arizona.

Just 97 more days. Then school will end.

wish it was tomorrow the 'visiting' would end. i'd like to feel okay and craft regular and do homework regular and sleep earlier again.

supa bowl sunday

Today was the super bowl. Honestly, I wasn't that interested in who won or lost, surprise surprise. I was more in to the being around people and not being in my room and such. All in all it was a pretty good time with great food and such. My contribution was cheesecake cookie cups. Some of which are left over in my fridge if anyone is down for one or two. Got to say the talk that wasn't about the game was probably my favorite. R and I got this super awesome notion in our heads that after graduation it would be neat to run off to California for a year to try our hand at west coast living. I would love it, but I'm afraid of the family retaliation. Not all of them, just some. But I think, if I really wanted to, I could do it. At the very least I could do what my degree is good for and I do make a pretty good waitress. If only...one day...maybe....

Still fighting the whole introversion thing. It's really hard. I'd like to enjoy people's company all the time, but I can't. Like today, I feel like all day I've been around people. Granted, it's only been since one-ish that I've constantly been around someone, but that feels like a lot to me. And here it is now midnight and my body is all about sleeping, but I can't yet and will have to wait until at least one before that can happen. Maybe I should do some laundry...

In other breaking news, I've been slacking about putting pictures up on the facebook page, but I promise to get that done this week. I awesomely left my camera charger in Missouri and the one I have here is for a completely different battery type. Great planning no? Luckily, I know a person who can hook me up with the right charger. Totally stoked. Speaking of stoked, my bff texted me this week and we're going to get to go to the Renaissance Festival while I visit her over spring break! I haven't been to one in forever and this time a little bit of dressing up maybe in order. I'm really excited to get to go out there. Warmth. Sun. Heat. Lovely.

Week until Valentine's day. Yay. My v-day gift is muffins from my grandma in Kansas. I'm excited for those cause I don't get them very often. Almost better than chocolate. Maybe I'll get myself some flowers too. Sounds pretty

I'd like to dance and sing and act and preform. (i really like those things)

Horse part two!

Part two of the horse saga....
I decided to go ahead and give it all four legs tonight and here's it's process...

Yeah third leg made!!

The elusive three legged horse of macu

all four legs! now to attach...

Attached! But no tail...hmm...

We got a tail folks! YEAH!

Check out that spiffy tail. Oh yeah

and finally, the slightly emo pose for the facebook picture.

I am so happy to have it completely finished! Lemme know what you think :)

The Making of a Horse

The other day I thought that I would make a horse. Not just any horse mind you, but a MACU mustang horse. So here is the making of the horse...well most of it.

The head. At one point I thought it'd be funny to put some red felt under it...no there isn't a picture of that. It was too Godfather...

Woo! Most of the body done! Yeah! Got some eyes...and some legs..and everything is mostly attached!

This is what it looks like right now. The mane took forever to get done and I kinda got bored of making legs. I promise it won't be leg and tail-less for much longer.

Isn't that face just adorable??

On Monday he'll take up residence in the MACU student life office. I think I may have to make another one to actually sell because I love this guy a little too much. Might give him up for a million dollars....but that's a big might. He may even make an appearance at the basketball game tomorrow... :)

intro/extro

Introversion:
the directing of interest inwards towards one's own thoughts and feelings rather than towards the external world

I understand introversion. Seeing as I'm an introvert it isn't a stretch of the imagination, really. I do love being around people and all but sometimes I get really overwhelmed by people. The amount, how often they are seen, etc. Sometimes it gets to be too much for me and it is really hard for me to tell that person or persons how I am feeling about their being around. So, I turn it inside and keep tit o myself. I don't want to upset someone with telling them that they need to leave or not visit. And the times that I have told them, I've been told that I am rude. I don't mean to come off that way, but it is hard to explain to people how I can't write a paper with people that aren't my roommate in the room. I can't do homework or study either because I get really frustrated. I can normally get by on a normal basis, but if I'm around people too long or visa versa, I literally shut down. Can't work, can't write, can't craft. And I can't say anything.

Extroversion:

the directing of one's interest outwards

I'd like to be an extrovert. I'd love to not have stupid simple things bother me. I'd like to not get overwhelmed by people and their habits. I would like to be able to do homework with people around. But I'm not made like that. God didn't make me that way. And sometimes I am grateful, but most other times I am not. I'm frustrated by it and my inability to be a social butterfly. Hopefully one day I'll either come to terms with it or learn to be more extroverted and gain some balls to say when I've had enough.
but that's not today.

excited

It's official. I know have a pseudo 'store' front. Really it's just the student life area of my campus, but it's a step up. And most of the money goes to student life funds....but it's a step up! I'm starting to become legit! I'm still not a fan of putting stuff on etsy...which several people have suggested. Mostly it's because people have to wade through everyone else's stuff to find mine and there is not guarantee that someone will see what I make and like it enough to buy it. Plus, there's a bunch of fees on it. Maybe one day, when I have more followers and the fb page is getting more orders. I'd really like to see this take off more.

This week seems to have started off super busy. It's weird because it really isn't different than any other week. Might be the change in plans. That usually throws me off for a while. I'm one of those people that tolerates changes rather than embracing them. Granted I day dream all the time about making crazy changes, but I'd never really go for any of them. Much too risky. Like I would love to pack up everything and just move out to California. Hook up with a acting firm and become famous. Or something close. I'd like to have a chance at it. Or go and do set work. I love doing technical theater, but that isn't in the works anymore either it looks like. Maybe one day...

Totally can't wait for spring break right now. My awesome Bff got me a ticket to go and see her this year and we're going to roadtrip and hang out and everything. I haven't seen her in a year and I'm so ready for some time with her and laughing and having an adventure. I also get to meet her new dog and boyfriend. I miss her a ton and....basically I just can't wait. I also have to still send her the presents I made her! Hopefully I'll remember to do that before the end of the week!

Back to the 'store front', if you ever decide to swing by my school (or go here) you should totally check them out in the student life office. And check back frequently for new items!

more me!

There's been this new thing going around the blogs about bloggers sharing a bit more about themselves so the readers know the personality a little bit more. If you want to know where this came from, check out Elizabeth's blog Delightfully Tacky. She's this super cool crafty chick with some pretty rad ideas. Also, her site has a winnebago...how cool is that?!

So here goes my know more about me section!

I love the smell of coffee, but can't stand the taste.

Even a drop of it will turn me off of the drink.

Sleep is the most glorious thing ever. Naps are second best.
I do wish I didn't sleep so much because it's like most of the day
is wasted.

I'm currently watching a horror movie with my roommate and friend.
We're terrified.

My dog, cat and horses I completely adore.

The above picture is one of my favorites because it was taken on a

unseasonably warm day and I was hanging out in a sweet
coffee shop.