Feb

Oh, let's see...since the last time that I've blogged, I've started exercising more. Which is pretty cool because I'm starting to feel fit and invincible. Yesterday, I bench pressed 56 lbs, squatted the same, and deadlifted 40lbs. Afterwards I felt as if I could take on anyone. It's amazing what a little bit of endorphins can do for the mind. The ultimate goals are to be able to squat 110lbs- the weight of a baby hippo, dead lift my own weight, and bench press 90lbs- the weight of a small female black bear. Also, to be able to fun a 5k this summer without dying. That'd be nice too.

In the realm of acting/modeling, I'm supposed to have a shoot tomorrow, but it doesn't look like the weather will hold out for it. Reschedule time again. Ah, well. Things are looking up somewhat. Been talking with the KC agency that I'm interested in working with and still loving the VA one I have. Got a few auditions lined up for March that I'll hopefully get. Supposed to have an audition within the next week or two for a zombie flick that'll film in late March. Hope I get it!

Been a crafting fool lately. Made a baby set- rompers, headband, hat and bunny; a Tardis hat; mario mushroom; started a blanket; charmander; and a star afghan. I think that's all. Joined a group for local crafters and hoping to get a couple sales from that. Have a few other things that I'll be starting soon. Oh yeah, been planning out some new cool hats! Those will be fun.

Other than all that, relational issues, school issues, same ol' same ol'. One day I'll catch up on all this work I have to do and maybe get ahead. I am thankful that I'm not super stressed. For all that I have to do, I'm not worried about any of it. Which is weird. Must be a God thing.

Death and God

Since I started back at school, it's been a roller coaster. And I'm not a fan of roller coasters! The first week of intensives were fine. I mean, it was just normal school stuff. Naturally none of the books I ordered came in on time, but I expected that. Then on that Friday, after class, I got the call that my Great-Great-Uncle had passed away. It hit me pretty hard. Death hits everyone hard, but this was especially hard for me because I had just seen him the previous weekend, just spoken to him and promised to make cheesecake this summer for him. It was really sudden. The funeral was the following Tuesday, this past one. I wanted to be there, but it wasn't going to happen. The cost of flying home was too high and not cost effective for three days. Now I'm okay. Well as okay as one can be. Thanks to my dear friends for recognizing what I needed during that time and being there to listen, pray and help. At times I know I will still struggle with this. No matter how many people you know pass on, it never gets easier. The one thing that remains the same is that I know God will help me through. And it sounds really cliche, and somewhat dumb, but it's all good because He's good. Thing happen for a reason, and though we may not understand them, God does and we just have to trust that He knows what He's doing. I know that I wouldn't have made it through if I didn't have that. If He hadn't placed my friends in my life or given me something to rely on. I just hope that everyone back home comes through okay. And I hope that anyone that has to go through this can get through it with minimal pain. It sucks hurting, crying and feeling like no one understands. It hurts to feel empty inside. It's no fun to wake up with puffy eyes and ruddy cheeks. Thank goodness God's there to help ease the pain. Life would be terrible without him.

Break reflections

There are two days before I head back to North Carolina for what was supposed to be my last semester of college. Unfortunately, due to credits, failing a course and such, it's not going to be. at first, I was pretty pissed about it. It sucks. I've spent six years in college working on an undergrad. Transferred twice to find the right college, finally get there and end up in a world of hurt. But I've come to terms with it and am okay now. It'll give me more time to work on saving to pay future bills, spend more time figuring out where I want to live, what to do with my life, and will allow me to work on my acting.

Speaking of the acting thing, I did a voice over for an animation this break. It was pretty cool! Really enjoyed it and hope to do more. Looking into taking some classes soon-ish!! Also, it's pretty cool to be able to say, yeah, I called my agent today!

Back to break, it's been a pretty okay break. Slightly less dramatic than normal which was nice. Got to go see my mom, which I loved. There was snow on the ground, but none in the air! Saw all of that family and enjoyed my time there a lot. Came back and did Christmas with the family here in Mo. That was pretty nice too. Then for New Year's went up to Kansas City to spend time with extended family. I really enjoyed getting to see them because I only get to see them once a year. It was also the first time I spent a holiday with them and no one else from the branch of my family. It was cool because they got to know me outside of that premise. Hopefully in the future I'll be able to spend more time with them at future events!

Also over break, I spent a lot of time at the rescue. If you didn't know, I brought two dogs back from NC with me. Mayday, a little white puppy, and Geno, a big red dog. Mayday found her home two days after I brought her back. She's now living in Bolivar with a soldier. In a year or so she'll be going through training to be a full service dog, hopefully. Geno is currently enjoying life at the rescue and waiting for his training to start. Winter is one of the other dogs at the rescue. She's a siberian husky and is going to a girl who has CP. I got to work with both the dog and the girl and help plan out what best to train the dog so that she'll meet the needs of the girl. Spent a lot of time with Bojack, Sid, Cubby Bear, Brodie- who is a recent one that came from a soldier who couldn't take him to the next base; Nessa, Jessica, Highway, Tank, Bomber, George, Fancy, Harley, Glory, Columbo, Frog, Rita, Bucket, Bridget, Bailey, Nell, Sugar, Sam, Halo, Spot- who found a home; Buck, Commander, Paco, Fiesta, Gorda, Lassie, Jessie, Shmesh, Tillman and Maverick. Which is basically everyone there. And the cats. Oh, and Awol, the pig. Who was the last and most unusual rescue. I really love getting to work with the dogs and know that I'm making a difference in their lives, and in the future, a person's life. Though, now the rescue I work with is no longer a rescue. It's now a training center. It changed because legislation in Missouri makes it super expensive to maintain a rescue (see Prop B and it's amendments). So, it's now a training center and pretty much every dog there is going to be qualified to be a service dog. That's pretty neat in my opinion. But that's all I really have to say about the rescue right now without getting all teary eyed.

That's pretty much my break. I learned out to make creamed eggs over toast, which I love. I'm in the midst of doing laundry and packing it up. So, I better swish jellyfish.

end of year list

Well…it’s nearing the end of the year. So I thought I’d do one of those silly truths things. You know, when you list 10-15 things that not many people know. So here goes…


1. I hate going over large bridges. Like the ones I have to cross to go back and forth between Mo and NC. Terrifying. And while we’re on this, I hate bridge tunnels.

2. My favorite color is, and has always been, red.

3. I have never been kissed on New Years at midnight. Or anytime from Christmas to well into January.

4. I’m afraid of always being in the friend-zone and never getting that shot of getting out. But I’m also afraid of putting myself out there and getting shot down. I have a really hard time telling guys that I like them and always worry that they don’t like me the same/have forgotten about me.

5. My first word was duck, and my favorite animals are ducks and horses.

6. I really like sunglasses, purses, shoes, makeup, etc. But I tend to keep it on the downlow because not many people know how much of a girly-girl I am.

7. I read a lot. It helps me escape and pretend my troubles are not my own.

8. I love to act and model. It’s what I want to do with my life. It’s going to be a tough row to hoe, but I really think I can make it and I can’t wait till I can afford to take real classes and expand and grow.

9. I want to travel. In the US, out of it. It doesn’t matter to me. I’d like to have that one great roadtrip with friends to remember always.

10. I’ve never taken a guy to any family gatherings. No Thanksgivings, Christmases, New Years. Not even a 4th of July party. Not because I’ve never wanted to, but because they’ve always made other plans or because I’ve been single.

11. I’ve never had a boyfriend that has had facial hair. If you haven’t caught on yet, I’m in a little hopeless romantic/sappy mood…

12. I talk to my animals. Really thankful they can’t talk because then all my secretes would be told.

13. Even though I’m the oldest in my family, I’ve always felt overshadowed by my younger sisters.

14. I love video games, MTG, comics and other ‘nerd’ things. I will rarely admit it out loud.

15. I didn’t think I’d make it this far! Last one, hm. I don’t think I’m funny. I’ve never been funny on purpose and I can’t tell a joke.

So there we go. There are my truths of the year. It is what it is and that's sort of where I am right now.

end of semester again

It has been quite awhile since I last blogged. Basically I just got busy with school and projects and lots of down lazy time in which I didn't feel like typing out what I felt or thought. Now that the semester is at an end, it's time to reflect and wonder what's going to happen next.

Overall, this wasn't a terrible semester. My classes were hard, and that caused a lot of stress. I did enjoy my counseling classes, like always. Hopefully I managed to pass everything so I'll eventually graduate. Which may or mat not happen anytime soon. It's a big mess...it'll work out.

Other than school stress, brief over view, got an agent, found a sweet guy- don't know where that is going, camaro still broke, became a board member of a rescue, taking two dogs back to mo. That pretty much sums up everything else. It's been exhausting.

What a day. Amazing Glee episode, amazing care package from home, amazing talks with friends.
I'm in a really great, girly mood.

Really hoping to hear back from an agency this week. Cross them fingers!

I really can't think straight to blog correctly right now. So, this is all. :)