Oh, 09

Tonight 2009 is officially history. I don't know why I stated that, its pretty well common knowledge. If you didn't know that and are deeply distraught because of that fact, well, sorry. But everything comes to an end at some point. 2010 doesn't look like it will be much different than this past year, well, sans the fact I won't be recovering from a nasty breakup, and with any luck it will be much less dramatic. Unless there's theater drama. That I could do with more of. I suppose I should be reflecting on the past year...

It sucked. Then it got better. I worked a lot with the youth. I love working with youth. Found new friends. Found true friends. Showed my animals. Turned 21. Realized 21 really isn't all that awesome. Saw a lot of great movies. Saw a lot of bad movies. Went to Germany. Fell in love with Germany and the people there. Discovered German food. Fell in love with German food. Met some old/new relatives. Realized I drove the length of the US and then some. Worked. Studied. Found the greatness in recruitment. Realized my worth. Stopped being walked on...so much. Found my voice. Lost my voice. Froze. Played at the beach. Rediscovered love of the beach. Played in the country. Realized its not so bad in the country (still wouldn't mind a pool). Found new music. Refound the love and obsession with music. Stayed up many nights. Slept too much. Tripped. Stumbled. Fell. Walked. Ran. Skipped. Sang. Fell silent. Listened. Gave up and gave in. Held strong and fast. Loved God. Saw God in people. Yearned for more and wanted less.
There's my year in review...kinda. Its been shortened by a lot, obviously. All I hope for next year is for more goodness, less badness. More of a chance to get to be known for the real me and not the me that people think that they know. Here's to the new year. 2010, here's to you. 2009, sorry to see you go.
btw, 10 years ago, i was 11.
crazy.

way to be emo girl.

You sang the other day.
I listened from afar,
as per normal.
It was so ironic the words,

almost funny.

You sang about a second chance.

Time to be redeemed.
loving people.

And the like.

I found it funny because you,

never gave a chance,

nor any time.

And I am not sure you can love others,

like you love yourself.

I want you to prove me wrong.

Give me the light of day

A chance for all to come clear,

and become real.

but you won't.

You're wrapped up in yourself.

Your clique.

Your mind.

Your preconceived notions.

I'm saddened that you're like the rest.

Listening without talking.

Believing without seeing.

Maybe you'll change.

Until you do, I'll sit here.

In my own quiant way.

Listening to the music that plays.

Waiting and wondering...

Hoping for a moment,

to play my song,

and hope you sing along.

12 days

To date, I am twelve days from leaving North Carolina to head back to Missouri for winter break. Part of me is super excited, the other less so. Ironically, I post a similar blog every time I am about ready to leave. Its a constant struggle between where I am, where I want to be and who I want around me. Part of that is I'm starting to realize just how much my family means to me and how much I do want them, at least some of them, around. Its taken me a long time, lots of journaling, prayer, talks to get to that point. But the other part of me wants to be super independent, not go home, bushwhack my own path....its so conflicting and ironic. I'd love to make my own way, but I am afraid to be alone. I am the worst person to leave alone after watching any paranormal show or scary movie (oh how I love them so). Thus, that makes me want to be with someone. A friend, family, just so I don't have to go to a house alone and be alone. It's weird to explain. It's weird to feel and be. ah well...if you get it you get it, if you don't, then ha. I feel so sporadic in my thinking at the moment. Holy Water- Big and Rich is playing and I'm going in my mind to how right now it explains me. Anyway, I'm mentally debating. Home. Here. Driving.
In twelve days, I leave.

time, sit on the bench.

There are fifteen days before I begin my trek back to Missouri for winter break. Fifteen days to complete homework, decide what is going to be taken home for spring semester, build friendships, finalize work schedules, plan routes and weather watch. Two weeks to realize that the semester flew by yet again and to notice how life just seems to pass me by. Its weird to sit here and feel that just yesterday I was sitting on my bed from last year begging God to just hurry time so I could leave. That just yesterday I was getting on a plane to visit Virginia for the first time. Just yesterday I was crossing the stage to receive my diploma. It astounds me. My amazement never ceases at time's ability to drag and fly at the same time. We're told to take the time to smell the roses, but when we do, nothing stops. and we're left with memories of the roses. There are many passages that talk about how our time is short on this earth...but do we ever realize just how short it is till it's too late? I'm about a quarter of my life done. And what is there to show but vast amounts of wasted time? Time that could have and should have been spent helping others, reading, studying, etc. but instead were spent on self-gratifying things. I feel as if I'm preaching to the choir. We'e all heard this speech before, all have vowed to change and make moments more purposeful and all have succeeded.....for a day. Good intentions never got a man far. I feel hypocritical, sitting on my bed letting time pass by. But at 3am there's little impact I can make on man kind. Even if I did, would it be remembered? Probably not. In the great span of time, a open door is nothing. A thousand is a dot and a million is a dash. They say little things add up. And they do. In the 21 years, its all the little things that mean the most. And for the next fifteen days, I hope its the little things that people see. I hope that time will take a breather and sit on the bench. I don't want to look back next semester and feel like time slipped away before break. Time, just let me have these moments. Let my vapor of a life intertwine with the vapors of others' lives for the brief time I have left with them before being gone for a while.

just a poem

She looks up to the sky

The one that has betrayed her before

That feeling,

So small and insignificant,

Wraps her arms around her self and screams

He looks down from above

Watches the leaves play in the wind

Hears a small cry

Reaches down to save the night

She collapse on the ground

Her tears soaking her nightgown

Drifts off to sleep among the trees

Filling her head with some major dreams

He searches and finds

Wraps the girl in his light

Calls to her in her dream

Lets her know it’ll be alright

The next morn she wakes

Fears, tears, sadness, loneliness

All erased

All replaced

Filled with the love of the One

She called for without knowing.

The One that came

As she steps off into her new life

He watches from above

Sees the girl playing in the leaves

Smiles and laughs as another lost lamb

Came back and rested in His hands.

mass?

Tomorrow morning I will be attending mass. I'm kinda nervous about attending it because I've never been. The main thing that bothers me is....what do you wear to mass? do you have to be super dressy or are jeans ok? I know Jesus doesn't care, but people do. Either way I'm sure it'll be neat.
Today also began Thanksgiving break for my university. The next days will be spent working on papers, hanging with a couple friends, and watching guys make fools of themselves as they cook. It looks like it's going to be a good week. Let's hope that it holds up to the standards that I have set forth for it.

And now, I bid thee good night because I've got to get some rest before mass!

Ocean Eyes

Ocean Eyes is the title of a cd from Owl City. If you haven't heard his work....you really ought to. Its pretty amazing.

My favorite song off of Ocean Eyes is Meteor Shower. It just reminds me that God is there beside us always, and will not let us be alone. We were made anew in Him and are alive because of Him. It also echoes my constant need for Him and feeling of wanting more. That sounds overly "christian" and cliche', but I like it.

(not) interesting

i'm a terrible blogtress. its not that i have been terribly busy or anything, its mostly that i don't think about updating about things i do not find interesting. i find myself to be a terribly boring person. pretty subnormal actually. but last night while im-ing someone i'm not super great friends with (we've just re-met for the uptenth time), i was told i was interesting and mysterious. which made me laugh. the last time i was called interesting was while i was in germany. most of the interestingness of the germany thing was because i was foreign and new. but hearing it from another american is different. and weird. i'm not interesting. things i do are pretty normal. the way that i do things are normal.

the only thing interesting about my mundane life is the fact i've chosen to do something different with my life. one of my german friends asked me why i chose to go to bible college. why i decided to be a christian. i said because it works. i'm not gonna lie or brag, but i'm a smart kid. and for a while, i was into a bunch of different religions. and after studying christianity for a while, i found it to be the only one to make sense. after that came wanting to help others to figure out the how's of how it works.the most logical way i found to do that is through studying to be a missionary. it's showing me how to explain the religion and everything in a mostly eloquent way that's understood across barriers. but aside from that, i also want to work with youth. i haven't been grown up long enough to have forgotten about the insecurities of growing up. and working with youth is where its at. they are some of the most interesting people ever. because they are always changing. always on the move. always finding new ways to come at problems. its awesome.

but that doesn't take me to where i am now. and possibly the only interesting thing about me. i love music. when i started college, i had a music minor. last year, i dropped the minor for a youth minor. which i love. i love studying youth. but this past year out of music...i felt a little off. there was something in me missing. then it hit me one day as i was playing my oboe. (yes. oboe.) music was missing. i was still playing and listening, but i wasn't singing, composing, directing or playing music like i had. few things in my life i had missed like that. hopefully soon. very soon. i'll be able to get back into it like i was. i've missed all aspects. technical and performance. one day, i hope that music will help others. one day.

so thats it. the little bit thats interesting in a whole lot of not interesting.

Long thyme

Its been a long while, dear readers. The hecticness of school finally caught up to me fully. Its been good though. Busy, but good.
I've been doing a lot of recruitment work. Not a huge amount, but enough to where I have found that I really enjoy it and am pretty good at it. I worked a youth convention- known as Impact. I love going to Impact and listening to the speaker and seeing all the people there. The other event I worked was a college fair. Which I absolutely love going to. Its a little intimidating, but still an awesome experience. I hope that I get sent out again.

Other than that, I've been doing the school thing. This past week was fall break, so not much happened. It was nice to have a week without classes, no real worries, nothing like that. It was nice. And at the same time it drove me crazy because everyone had gotten to go home that wanted to. I've been suffering from a bought of homesickness. Which is weird for me because I have never gotten homesick before. First time for everything I suppose.

As of right now, its mission emphasis week. Which is neat but nerve wrecking. Tomorrow will be the first time I've sang in over a year in front if a large(ish) crowd. I hope it goes well. All the videos I'm doing for it is on my youtube too, if anyone wants to check them out.

Right now, I need to be getting to bed. Its late and I'm worn out.

thinks

I have found that the later in the day it is, the sicker I am and greater the pile of homework I have the more spiritual things get to me. Not real sure if its the medicine or just the combination of those specific things that gets me into that mood where I feel like I can read the entire bible in one sitting and glen millions of truths from it that will be remembered for always and ever. Granted, I can never see that ever happening. Not the reading in one sitting-done that before- but the gaining of truths that will last forever. Everytime I read, there's something new and its not always remembered. Somethings are remembered, but not all. I suppose that is why its reccomended to write things down that you think is important. But its the effort of trying to remember that is important.

This made a lot more sense before I started writing. So I think this is where it is going to end.

sneak

Sneak day was yesterday. It was pretty awesome, in my oh so humble opinion. We were able to go to Triple R ranch in Chesapeake---which has horses, but we didnt rent them. Slight dissapointment there. But, it was still awesome because they had a skate area with boards. Managed to land a mini half and a flat ramp after several falls. Feeling the effects of it today, but gosh dang it, I did it! I'm so proud of myself too for it. It was great to be able to have a day off of classes and hang out with the other students.
Other than that awesome day, its been pretty chill here. Nothing is overly terrible. Its just...is.
Gel is still amazing. Love my gel family.

stressed

Life before Sunday Night Live is always hectic. Even without all the added stress of homework, sometimes just the fact of wanting to make it the most awesome one ever is enough. I guess its that perfectionist in me. Cazy thing is, its not even mine to really worry about. But thats me.
Anyway...its been crazy stressful week. Thats life. Thats all I really say. Peace

Christian Porn

I loved this blog today. You should go check it out

http://www.thechurchofnopeople.com/2009/09/free-xxx-christian-porn.html

sept 1

I got a call this morning, and of course its during chapel so I cannot answer it...nor did I notice I even got a call till after I got out of there. And since then, at least 20 calls to various numbers have been made in a oviously futile attempt to reach the person who called me. Makes me wish thing were easier and I could just walk down the road to see what the call was about. Or ride my bike. That seems a whole lot better because I'd rather bike than walk any day.
Its been a crazy day so far. Woke up early, confused and really not in a good mood. Chapel solved that. Got to class late- again. For some reason I keep thinking my Tuesday/Thursday class meets at 11 and not 10:30 when it really does. I've only been on time for that class once. And that was the day I didnt even know where the class was meeting. Not the grandest of days thus far. Doesn't help that I've been ticked off the the most of it because the person I'm trying to reach isn't picking up and the weight of all the other things that are on my mind and person are finally getting to me. In short...it sucks.
At least there are a couple things to look forward to this week...I hope. Open dorm is this week, and that can go either way. It'll either be lots of fun, or crazy and not fun at all. Either way its a distaction. Hopefully a friend is coming down this week too. Which Im pretty stoked about because I would love to see someone other than the faces I've seen everyday for a while. Plus it'd be nice to actually speak with someone who is intelligent and normal and has the same sense of humor.
Crap I miss Germany.
Hopefully I can go back next summer. I really want to. I miss all the things there and the people. I miss going to talk to the refugees in the morning and seeing their faith. Going out at night with the Stammtisch group and speaking english with people and not having to translate what I'm saying. The struggle of speaking with the people in the town and trying my best to convey what I mean to say in another language and failing terribly but still having a good time doing it. I miss hearing the language and reading the signs and feeling hopelessly lost for an hour or so but enjoying it all the while. I wish I can be there now.
I should be doing the homework for the class I have in an hour. But it feels useless and I know that I can turn it in later without much problem. Too bad I can't shove the rest of life away and deal with it later.
How can you see God when everything is black?

oh college...

So I felt kinda cool in class today. I knew who Wellhausen was and was able to define his work of literature and theory. If you dont know who he is...google. He's a pretty famous guyfrom the 1800's who wrote this peace of work thats about the Old Testament and who wrote it. OK, so tht souned a whole lot more boring than I thought it was before.
Today is a pretty ok day. Sans the part where I woke up at 8:31 thinking I was late to class, only to find out I rushed around for nothing because I dont have a early class on tuesdays or thursdays...go figure. But it did allow me to get to chapel early and take advantage of the fact that not many people were on the interweb yet. Oh and prepare for chapel. Which was awesome, if you were wondering. Worship chapels are my favorite because, 1. all songs and 2. dont have to keep up with a speaker. And its fun to watch all the people below me get really into a song and start dancing. Always a funny sight.
Its a neat thing to realize that you spoke to people in two different countries before noon. One from Germany and one from Japan. Oneis a new friend that seems like an old one, the other is one I've known since what seems like forever. Its a great feeling to have knowing you are liked around the world. It was also great hearing that Im liked by the international sensation in Japan (haha). Man, I mis my german friends a lot. It was never a dull moment over there and they had a ton of great ideas and I just liked how they looked at the world. My old friends, the ones I've known since elementary/middle/high school. Man they are awesome.
I have another hour before my last class....its a terrible thing. Because I want to nap but cant. Ahh the life of a college student.

Love language?

So, being the sappy romantic kinda bored me, I decided to take one of those "What's your love language" tests. It came out exactly what I thought it would, so it really didnt surprise me any. Here's the results if you want to check them out...
Test Results:
Percent Language Score

20%Words of Affirmation 6

27%Quality Time 8

0%Receiving Gifts

13%Acts of Service 4

40%Physical Touch 12

How to Interpret Your Profile Score
Your highest score indicates your primary love language. Your second highest score indicates your secondary love language. If two scores are identical, you are bi-lingual(you have two Primary love languages). If the scores of your primary language and your secondary language are close(for example, 10 and 9 respectively), it indicates both are important to you. The highest possible score for any one love language is 12. Having a clear picture of your primary and secondary love languages will explain much of your past behavior. Think back over the past and ask yourself, "What have I most often requested of my spouse?" Chances are your answer will lie within the scope of your primary and secondary love languages. You have been requesting that which would meet your deepest need for emotional love. Your requests, however, might have come across as nagging or criticizing and thus drove your spouse away.


Obviously, I crave touch and time from any person that I am in a romantic relationship. Which I knew in the first place. And I'm pretty sure those who know me extremely well can attest to the truth of that test. Its pretty neat to see that gifts doesnt even get a score. That's not to say that I dont like getting gifts- I totally appreciate flowers on occassion!- but its just shows even more that "You can't buy me (my)love".

In other stuff, I am house sitting for people in my gel group and its pretty nice. Can't say I dont like being off of campus for the weekend and away from all the excitement of school. Speaking of which, its going well. Can't really complain about it thus far. Though I have a feeling that starting work next week and juggling 18 hours will be pretty tough. Nothing I cant handle! Tomorrow looks like its going to be a pretty great day :) I'm looking forward to getting out and maybe hitting the mall and a movie with some friends I havent seen in a while. Good weekend ahead for sure.

back to school

School has offically started, and of course I am a day behind. Not that I mind that one bit ha ha. So far nothing looks like its going to be overly stressful or hard, but knowing my luck and planning skills it will get there. Right now I'm just enjoying being able to relax at school and not have too much to worry about before all the rushof school and activities start.
Last night was my first time back at gel group since I left in May. It was so nice to be able to connect back with people who are amazing and get to talk about life and how everything is going and what we feel about life and so on. I really missed gel group over the summer. This sunday will be my first day back at church too. I'm not sure how that will go so much, but at least I know that my gel will be there!
Hopefully this weekend there'll be some awesome fun time with friends I haven't seen in forever (ok three months) and the rest of my room might getput back together. Its not terribly bad right now, but itsnot its best either. Oh how love moving in....ha ha ha.
There realy isnt much to blog abou right now. I'm still worn out from driving and just want to sleep for th most part. So I think that's what I'm going to do before my next class. Peace.

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growing up ramble

I was told that you grow up the day that you have your first real laugh at yourself. Not completely sure that is true. There are many times when I have laughed at myself but none of those times have I ever really "grown up" from the experiance. It usually ends with me wishing I hadnt done whatever that was that caused the whole thing in the first place. Im starting to think that you grow up when you hit your first mid-life crisis prior to your mid-life. Unless you only plan on living forty years, then anytime in your twenties is fine for a crisis. Theres alot of things that go along with growing up. Unfortuently one is realizing that what you are working towards, you arent sure of doing anymore. That what you thought you were going to be when you offically "grew up" isnt exactly what you want to do anymore. And then realizing that everything changes on a day to day basis and you never realy know what you want till you get it. That and the urge to go out and buy a lotof shoes and/or a new vehicle and/or animal....that is probably the worst. The overriding urge to go out and do what the media and society says is normal to do. Fighting the system that surrounds is the hardest thing. That is what I believe is when you grow up. When you realize that the pressures that society has on you isnt what you really want or need. When you start to fight against that system you start to realize that its harder than what you expect. Then there's the whole being alone fighting the man thing. Thats a major bummer hudle to overcome. Its a daily battle.
ok. So that's my ramblings for the day. I have to go start my battle and try to fight through and decide what I need to do.

Mixed

Friday or Saturday I am supposed to leave for college. I have done all of zero packing. Just got back from Kansas and visiting my mom and family I have there that I dont get to see often. Its a mixed bag of emotions at the moment. On the one side, school is so exciting to go to and everything that goes with it is amazing. On the other, I really dont want to go and would be perfectly ok staying where I am. Its funny how things go like that sometimes. Currently I am talking to a good friend online and waiting for my body to tell me that sleep is something that is very important. So far no luck.

By the way, I pretty much love my new laptop. Its amazing.

hello bloggas

Its been a while since I updated. Honestly, there really hasnt been much going on but work and all the wonderful drama that goes along with it. Cant say that I dont like my job. Its pretty nice to have a steady job in a economy as amazing as ours. And I cant say that the people there arent some pretty awesome people. Ok, I'll admit I love my job! There are some bad days though...I mean, come one people! The store has been there for a little over ten years! We've always closed at 10pm! Don't try to come in at 9:59pm and expect me to be thrilled to check you out. I want to go home to my puppy too! But its all good. Tomorrow will be the last day I work there for three months. And somehow I was able to switch my eight hour shift for a five hour one. Pretty sweet!!
I guess the most exciting thing that will be happening is the show that is going on this weekend. Its called the Ozark Empire Fair and its in Springfield. I'm pretty stoked to be getting out of town and out of the house. Even if I do have to show a few animals to go. It'll be neat getting to see the people I started showing with and how we've all grown up. I've kinda missed showing and the stress and business of it all. I've started thinking about maybe getting a few again and starting it all up. This time on my terms and the way I always wanted to. But who knows? I still have to make it through college.
Speaking of college, it starts again very shortly. Im not sure how I feel about it. I just really want to be done with the whole school thing. Which is amazing becuase Im starting to think about a master's degree. But also the entire after school thing. Real life. Jobs and life afterwards. But hopefully, this year will be memorable and go by quickly so I can to the summer again ha ha.
So, generally, thats whats been happening in my land. Besides the fact I finally got my new laptop and am completely thrilled with it! I've got to log off and get back to the life outside the internet :) Peace out.

summah

Ahhh...what can I say about this summer? I've been working pretty well nonstop at the store. Which is nice cause it makes me feel like I'm ballin' for the entire day I have my paycheck. Other than that I've been working on my car, hanging with friends or getting ready for a show. Tonight I officaly got eveyr bit of new carpeting into my car and it looks swanky. Tomorrow I hope to finish the panels and seats and all that. Hopefully going to figure out this new radio that I have for it...minor technical problems. Spent this past weekend at my friend's house in the town I spent the longest time in and graduated from. It was very nice getting ot chill out and talk about life and random stuff. The movie and golfing wasn't half bad either! :) Yup. got eight days before the big show, need to finish my room and that's about it. Im pretty dull I know haha. But I can definantly say I've been learning alot about patience and true friends and being true to self.
Good summer.

Crazy times. working most of the time and tring to find time to breathe.

Life after DE

So I have been in the states for a week now, and I'm still having some trouble getting back to normal life. I was only there for a month, but one gets so used to having certian things that its weird when they are gone. Like walking everywhere. I loved being able to do that and having to walk for a long time every day. And now, I just drive. Its not even a option to walk most of the time. Food is also a weird thing for me. I never expected I would miss bakery bread and being able to wlak down to a bakery to grab a loaf or a kuchen. Its so different. Recycling! Trash is another thing that kills me here. In germany there were seperate bins for everything. Food, paper, plastic, bottles, cans.....a tiny one gallon trash can would last an entire family a week because everything was sorted and recycled. It was great. I didnt even know that I would miss all that so much. All that aside, it is nice to be in the (general) same time zone as all my friends. Its nice to be able to see my animals and get to spend time outside in the heat. I love being able to drive my car again....I love being able to drive around with my top down and enjoy the feeling of driving again.Oh, and getting to watch my shows online is also pretty sweet. I didnt like how Fox, ABC and all the rest discriminated against forgein countries lol.
So yeah...there are alot of differences for me that Im trying to get back and used to. Its really different, but Im sure everything will fall back to normal before Germany. I hope that I'll get to go back soon....itd be really awesome to...
Other than all that, started working at the grocery store again. Its a pretty chill job. Kinda surprised that I remember alot of the PLU codes for the produce. Theres a few new people but they seem pretty nice. Its weird to say it, but Im really glad I get to work there again. Somedays are really long, but most of the time its not boring!
Yup thats my little update :)

Back in the US of A

Yesterday I embarked on a really long flight from Stuttgart to Kansas City. The entire flight time was somewhere around 16 hours! All in all it was a pretty decent flight. Loved the cross Atlantic Flight because there were little tv screens in the back of the seats and you could pick whatever you wanted to watch or play games or whatever. It was pretty sweet. Even awesomer was the fact I sat next to a guy from Finland who was traveling back to see some of his friends he made in the Us when he studied there. Probably the funniest part of it was getting teased by the security guards in Stuttgart for the obscene amount of chocolate in my backpack. I swear its not all for me! For the record- I made it back with all the kindereggs unbroken! Made it back to the farm alright too...unfortuently it decided it was going to storm for the drive back so it was pretty slow going for a while. So far havent felt much jet lag I think. Granted I did wake up at 6am thinking it was in the afternoon...currently its 5pm and I could probably be ok with going to bed (its midnight in Germany).
I am really thankful for all the people who supported me in this trip- both with prayer and monetarily. Without all the people I dont believe I would have made it there and wouldnt have been able to experiance all that I did. Germany is a completely amazing country and I really feel called to work there after I graduate. I am really hoping that next summer I will be able to go back for a longer amount of time so that I can go to language school and be able to experiance the culture for a longer amount of time. I really dont know how to thank all the people that supported me in this trip. Thank you doesnt seem to be enough, but I dont know any other way to express the gratitude I feel towards everyone.
So now I am back in the States...going to start work at the grocery store on Monday--or at least sometime this week. I asked not to start till Wednesday but never know. Its really different here in the states and Im going to have to get back to the way things are done here. Kinda really miss Germany and all of my German friends! Cannot wait to get back and see all of them again. I hope to keep in touch with everyone I met there. As for right now, I should probably start unpacking my bags. Hope everyone is well!! Till later...

More Germany Updates

Slackinnn....7-12
7
Body. hurts. Ugh. I'm so not in shape for anything, but it was great fun!! Yesterday was church (obviously) and it was nice cause it was the translated version of church. Which means I understood everything and not part of everything. Then Joel and a guy from church and I went out to play some games....cricket then some baseball. Found out that when I want to be I can play it fairly decently....baseball...sigh. Managed to hit a few but not all and they weren't good hits. But that's ok. Its been years and I'm out of shape haha. Excuses. IT was a pretty chill day. Watched 'Der Diamanten-Cop' (the diamond cop?) that night in english (!!). Oh dancing was pretty dang awesome. Lovin the fact that music is pretty well the same. Got to act a fool all up in der. Not really...but kinda and it was fun. Checked out a couple skate shops in town...sweeeet. makes me wish I was a better skater and had my board with me :) Um...crocs are here too. Not the animal, the dumb shoes. Going to go to a concert with Laura and Maria (?) later today in a town that I have to buy a train ticket to. Then the English Stämmish is going on....maybe. Everything here is cloased for Pentecost...which is funny cause not everyone knows what it is beyond a holiday to have off. But its cool. I think that's all for now... :D peace from the east! (litterally...i'm in east germany lol)
8
Yeah. Hot. At least right now right here in the library where apparently the ac doesn't turn on. Hah. Pretty chill day...thought I got lost but apparently didn't. Which was really cool and now I might have a slight ego from that. Yesterday was pretty spiffy. Went out with Maria and Laura to Laura's concert in some little town by Weimar. The concert was in a tiny little church with the most intimedating pulpit I've ever seen. For reals. It was cool though. They did a pretty good job. Before all that, Maria and I hung out in Weimar and had some of the best icecream ever (holla). Saw Schiller's house, Geothe's house,Bach's house and Hitler's hotel.Bunch of history stuff there and that was pretty neat to see. Oh--took the train there adn that was a fun ordeal trying to get a ticket. Found out that if you don't pay attention on that you will end up on the ground and it will hurt. Specially if you are by the bikes. Um....so yes. That is the condesed version of yesterday. Today was a morning bible study and this evening is another. Then I'm not sure what. So yeah--my time is up on the computer now. 15 is all ya get in teh library apparently. Gonna go wander around Jena some and hopefully not get lost. Peace.
9
Mein hösen rutschung.Not really but thats what I learned today. It means "my pants slide down." Great times at the playground. Today was pretty busy, bible study, brunch, people, etc. Teh past couple days have been full but ok. Not to taxing and such. Been pretty chill and cool...litterally. Weather went from warm to freezing! Wishin I had brought a heavier jacket,but hindsight is 2020. Or so they say...I cant really see behind me without turing around ...Anyway...its nearly 11:30pm here.Which is pretty cool and means I'm headed to bed soon while the majority of people I know are starting to think about what to eat for dinner lol. Tomorrow is going to be really exciting! Going to Buchen wald (yes, same place where Obama was today) and hopefully to a castel!. Pretty excited about doing some fiun touristy things :) Hmm...what else...heard some pretty good ska music on Wednesday at Rose, found some really good german learning books with Juile, and realized that jumpstyle is not my form of dance. I leave Jena Thursday for Wurstenröt and then a few days after that for Stuttgart then US. Pretty sad about leaving Jena because I really love this city and the people here. Its very normal here for me...which is weird. So yeah...Ich leibe Jena und Ich will veillicht nächsten Jahr kommen. :) Hoffentlich vor denn. Wenn Ich habe jeder glück. Bis später!
10
So yesterday Rocco adn I went to Buchenwal, the last concentration camp that was freed in WW2. It rained the entire time that we were there. Pretty well very cold and miserable weather...which only added to teh cold and depressing atmosphere of the place. Its hard to give and adjective to teh place because you can'T say it was great or I had a swell time or whatnot because it really wasn't a great place wehn it was activly being used. But it was neat to see the things that were left behind and read about the history and the stories and such. Just walking around was a very moving experiance, even without the buildings all there. The few that were there were haunting to be in. Like the autospsy room...the sink and table were all there just as they were many wyears ago. And I kow mentally that they have been cleaned, but its still that feeling that there was blood in that sink and a dead or nearly dead body on that table. Very unreal. Oh and obama was there the day before so there was security tape on a few of the doors...pretty funny to see. Also saw the roses that he laid down while he was there. They were white. Yeah...not much else one can report on that.This is my last week...half week...in Jena. Which is kinda sad because there is still alot to do and see and there isn't enough time to do all of it like I would like to. But there'll always be time later...when I make it back.Which I am really hoping to be able to do and spend a longer time so that relationships can be built more in depth...I have a feeling I typed this all before.Buuut thats ok cause it is worth repeating...so I like to think. So anywas, I leave on Thursday of this week to head back to wurstenröt for a few days before heading back to Stuttgart to catch the flight back to the states. Every night this week I have something to do it seems like--which is fine by me. I'd rather be busy with something than doing abosolutely nothing. Gonna try to see if I can't use all the rest of my picuters on my camera up...it only comes to around 390 something I think that are left :) So yea, thats about it I think. Tomorrow Camilla (host sister) and I are going to cook I believe! Sweetness all the way haha. So Yup. Peace out
11
Yesterday was pretty sweet. Got to go to Leuchtenburg Castle and look around there. And even better was it was sunny while we were there after it had rained for some of the day! Today is sunny too which I'm really excited about and hope will continue to be. Oh, also went to the cokie factory which is an amazing place to go to. Then there was the bible study, whic hI understoood someof thanks to Juile's awesome translating. Last night was pretty stellar too, hung out with some peeps from the stämmtisch for a while. Today however is my last day in Jena which is really sad (to me) becauseI really like it here. At least today will be full with some fun things. Going to go to the town and walk around and take pictures one last time and meet Laura and Maria for a late lunch. I was told I needed to make brownies before I left but we'll see how that goes. Hoping tonight will be a good one because there arent any solid plans yet. Kinda hoping to get out this evening and check out the skate park. But yeah....thats about it currently.
12
So I was told earlier today that I speak good German. The girl that told me that is about 12 and only heard me say a few phrases all in the context of sport. So all it was 'Fragen!!' 'Halt!' 'Was ist dein Problem?' and 'OH Schade!!'. I thought it was really funny...cause I really can't speak all that well. Besides being told that, went to a German cookout, which amazingly is just like the ones in America they just speak a different language. Pretty cool afternoon. Played a lot of soccer and volley ball and now am pretty sore from that. Managed to knock over two drinks, trip over a bench and discover the table leg several times. Pretty ok for me I think! lol. Last night I went to a youth conference in a town thats about 13km from Wüstenrot. It was pretty neat and I like it...the songs were in english and if they weren't in english they were translated songs that I knew pretty well so I could sing along. The guy who spoke was also in Dallas right before he did that conference so it was neat getting to talk to someone who spoke english very well. Met some pretty cool people. Tomorrow is church too so I'll be able to see them again (hopefully) and hangout a bit with them. Not much is happening this week I believe, just working in the KontaktMission office till Friday when I fly out to America. Just trying to figure out how to pack everything at the moment and getting everything bought and in a bag. Pretty fun. Yup...so its midnight here now and I should be going to bed because I have to be up early....and I'm pretty dang worn out from all the sun and sports. Peace out Gnomies.

Germany updates

So I've been slackin on updating this site so here's the past several updates...
#1
Hey guys! I made it to Germany and all is really good here! Ther people here are really cool and since they found out that i speak some german, they have been using me to translate and are telling me that them speaking english to me will never help me--though alot of the tie i have trouble understanding what they are saying! haha Other than that today is a pretty chill day. The girl i'm rooming with for the weekend is very nice. She and her friend are headed to Albania on Sunday. Tomorrow we're gong to go Schwabishhall to do some sight seeing and fight the onset of jet lag. Which hasn't really hit me full force yet but it also haven't been here very long. Anyway, i'll have internet access till Sunday then I do not know if I'll be able to get back online often. Sunday I head to Jena for my internship. That's about it folks! Hope everyone is having a great summer!

#2
Today was pretty awesome. The group that I've been with this week went to this really old town Schwäbish hall....It was pretty cool! We walked around for hours and went to the Church of St. Micheal. Which was neat...I'm not really big on old churches like that, but teh paintings and history was really neat to get to see. WE also saw the spot where the Nazis burned all the Jewish stuff from the synagouge....it was right outside the church. Later, Micha and I went on a trip for some icecream and coffee (he got coffee, i got afelsaft....its like apple juice) and I got to order my first almost meal in german! The lady who took our order was very nice and loved that i was trying to speak german. She apparently has relatives in Chicago which I thought was pretty cool. We--all 60 of us- just got out of our first meeting for the weekend. It was neat getting to sing and worship in german. Two of the songs--open teh eyes of our hearts and here i am to worship--i reconiyed and sang in english because that's how i learned and know them best. It was very cool. Um....i think that's about it! Hopefully I'll be able to get on tomorrow!!

#3
Yesterday was all seminars. Kinda like what I'll be doing later today. It was neat, but I had learned most of it in class. WE went over culture shock and a few other topics. It was cool hearing it in a different language. Later that day...ok...night...Micha, Ashley, Sam, Heather and I went to the Havanna bar in teh town. It was cool! I got a whirlwind...which is non alcoholic. I was the only one who didnät order something iwth alcohol in it, but that was ok cause I did get to taste two different german beers (both gross) and a wine (very good!). It was fun. Then Micha and I played tischekickaka with some random german guy and lost. Badly. we had one point by the time they got to 10. Today there's another seminar in a few. Then lunch and then Sam, Ashley and I leave for the airport to drop them off. David is going to drop me off at a McD's so I can catch a ride with some guy up to Jena. Its about a 5 hour drive and I'm told the scenery will change rapidly from green and calm like it is here to grey and communist like. Its kinda cool getting to go ride with some random people across the country. Apparently its very normal here and you don't get stolen or anything. Which I'm cool with haha. I mostly plan on reading. My german is getting a little better I think. At least I'm told often it is getting better. I've learned a lot of new words and am randomly puttin ghtem into converstaion. OH! I met a lady yesterday that worked in Isreal till they kicked her out. Shes very cool. Any way...Iäve got to go grab my bags and load them before the next session. Peace out yo!

#4
Today is the second day in Jena...at least I think its the second day and that's what my journal says. ITs a pretty neat little town. Has a ton of history. Luther was here and there's the oldest planetarium and stuff. My host mom and I went down to the square adn she showed me where the local college peeps hang and where the mall is (!!) so I can go and hang out there when ever. Last night Rocco (host dad) adn I went to a (n?) English Stämmisch...its like a group that meets to speak only english. IT was pretty neat and the peeps there are pretty cool. Hopefully nest week I'll be able to go again....but its a holiday here. Pentecost (yeah...I didn't know it was a holiday..) Um yeah. OH! The ride up to Jena was interesting. The random person and I couldn't talk very much so it was a very very quite ride. I did see a deer here and pigs, sheep, cows and horses....which you can imagine I got very excited over...haha. Other than that it was ok. Apparently its very normal to do that ere...tis almost like a taxi service but they don't charge by the mile or something like that. There's a lot of walking here...um...I found a place to get chocolate stuffs :D yay! I think that's about it right now...yup. peace.

#5
Yesterday was pretty eventful. I got to go shopping with the host mom at an Aldi's like store. I was excited that it was something that I could reconize. After that Rocco took me to a homedeopt mets sams club meets food court store...which was pretty cool. I got a watch so now I know what time it is and don't feel so out of it when I want to do something. And then there's what happened in the afternoon. I was supposed to meet Julia for lunch (girl who goes to church here) at the Menza. I had been there before and thought I could make it there on may own so I walked from the house. Bad decision #1. I got to the place where I knw it was, but wasn't sure if I should turn left or right so I chose left. Bad decision #2. Ended up walking for 20 mins lost in Jena and had to ask 5 people where the menya was because the only people I could find to ask were old and either didn't know enligsh or didn't feel like speaking it. So I finally get back to the place where I started adn found out that I was basically in the Menza the entire time. By then it was a quarter to one and I figured she had left. Which sucked, but hey! I know where the menza is now! Anyway, found a mcd's because that was the only place I could go to to eat and not have to decipher the signs...btw it does taste different over here. Managed to find a bookstore and got a book on Jena...not that I can really read it, but it does have pretty pictures and an ice cream shop. Pretty eventful. Then I was planning on going to the planatarizum to catch a show. I spent so long translating the signs that I missed the show. But now I know what 'Spargel' means. It was a eventful afternoon. Later that night Joel )host bro) tok me to watch the soccer game at Cheers (like the tv show, but less funny and more beer). It was pretty neat, Barcelona won and the waitresses thought it was just awesome I was from america. Apparently its a novelty. We got nback, found I had walked the equvalint of about 10 miles today and am feeling pretty ok about that. Woo! In a few I'm supposed to go people visiting I think and then try to meet Julia again at the menza then rest. Here its up around 8\8:30 bed around 12. With no naps :( Tomorrow I will b helping with the youth group and saturday night is club night. :) :D

#6
The weather here is insane! We went from nice sunny, hot but not too hot day to chilly, rain not rain days. Imsanity!! Right now I'm waiting to see if it'll rain in teh am so I can go hang out at the library in the pm. Yesterday was a pretty calm day. Went on a home visit-this time I could understand most of what was said because it was half in english, quarter in african pidgen and quarter in german. Which was sweet. Then I went up to the menza again...couldn't find Julia but that's cool cause I'll se her sunday at church. Instead I went to Cheers which is that 'American' sports bar. IT was funny to me cause the menu had a lot of misspellings and when I ordered a BLT the guy didn't know what that was so I had to order it in full german...which was weird. Ordering an american dish in a americanish place in german. Yup. Then it was down to wander in a few shops and check out the sports store. The lady was very nice and was amazed i was learning German and wanted to speal to her. Not that this relates in any remote way, but my nails are getting long and its bothering me lol. Umm then there was the Kids' club for the church ladies and kids. IT was a good bye party for the Nigerian family here that is moving to Utah. They asked alot of questions about the states and wether the mormons will bother them and what's taboo and so on.It was really fun getting to talk to them cause they don't speak much german but can speak english very well. Yeah...not alot is happening today till youth group. Its pretty laid back. Found out that I am addicted to the ice cream here and can order that like nobody's business. um...badabadabada....kinda

excited about going to the dance club tomorrow and finding it ironic that it took me going to another country to go to one. almost out of books to read!! Moved on to the german skateboarding mags. i think that's about it...yup. ok. chat laters!!

that's all there is so far!

Day Before

Right now there's a list at least a good quarter mile long that I need to complete before i leave tomorrow to Germany. One of which is fiquring out a way to call back to the states after arriving. I found out today that texting will still charge a awesome international fee so that won't work. Also, the notebook (laptop) I was planning to get fell through due to unforseen circumstances. Which is cool, it'll be a nice little lent from the internet...oh how sad life will be with out twitter! (haha) Fortuently, I'm not too concerned about all of that because I have a wonderful new camera that will do videos and stuff that I'll upload when I'm back in the states.
Another little obstacle I have is finding the insurance company I'm supposed to go through. Unfortuently, I didn't transfer the e-mails from my school account to my private account so that info is lost somewhere in cyberspace. But fortuently, my mission agency is really nice and are sending it to me sometime today. So that's not a big worry, just a annoyance.
The major thing right now is figuring out how to pack everything and get it under the weight limit. Luckily, I'm am expert packer and have the majority of it done already. Now I just have to get to town and pick up the last few items I need to survive a thirteen hour flight.
Other than all that, everything is shaping up pretty nicely! Hopefully the rest of the day and tomorrow morning will follow suit. I'll be able to update all the way till I leave Detroit, then hopefully I'll get to type some in a internet cafe! That's all for now! Peace!

Flickr

This is a test post from , a fancy photo sharing thing.

Prayer for other missionaries!

Hey! So I talk about my mission a lot and I would like to take the time to point out a couple of missions that I know about. The people who are going on these trips are some of the coolest people I know. So if you could take the time to read about them and pray for them that would be pretty stellar!

Rachel will be going to Enscenada, Mexico this summer to build houses. She's a cross-cultural major at MACU and is a really sweet person. She's spending all summer there building for the people who do not have homes to live in. She'll also be helping with a camp, Vacation Bible school and a feeding program. She actually just left today for her trip :)

Jessica is working with Team Expansion this summer. In a little while she'll be leaving to Spain, along with Tiffany, to work among the people there. They'll be helping the missionaries that live there with the different things that they need and will help in the evagelizing of the local people. She's working on some more fundraising because she's also going to be working full time with Team Expansion! If you're like to help her, please contact Team Expansion at http://www.teamexpansion.org They are a really great orginazation.

Also, a little shout out to the mission agency I'll be going with-- Kontaktmission. They are a amazing group of people who do some really wonderful work all over Eurpoe. Please check out their site! http://www.kontaktmission.de/home+M52087573ab0.html the link is for the page in english :)

kansas

I just got back from Kansas and visiting my mom and that side of my family. It was really great to catch up with them and spend some time with my mom. Yard saleing and Cozy inn and everything was really great! :)

There's two days left till I go to Germany! I'm starting to pack and get everything ready. :)

Short little update

Hey Guys! So if you haven't gotten the notice yet, I've made it back to Missouri! Only about nine days left till I head to Germany! And I just got the update on my passport...it has been delivered to school and should arrive here any day now. Super excited about that! And I have met the basic goal for my fundraising--which is really exciting. Now all that's left is packing and getting a ride in line.

Since I've gotten back to Mo, I've already been in one show. It was a pretty good one, not as big as what I'm used to but it was pretty decent. Took the top places in the classes I showed in, always exciting. The judge was a lady that I used to show with back when I started showing. It was pretty nice getting to see her again and catch up with what everyone is doing now. All in all it was an exhausting but rewarding show weekend. But the fun has just started. There's an entire herd of animals that need to be clipped, tattooed, and seperated for the show season. When I get back from Germany, I'm looking at two big shows and a couple little shows I think...which will be fun :)

Well, that's the short update I have for everyone. Germany is coming along pretty fast, shows are going good and school is out till August. Sometime this week I'm thinking of heading out to Kansas to visit the relatives on that side of my family. Been missing Forefront and my Gel Group back there a fair bit along with my friends from school. That's about it folks! I'll keep updating while I'm in Germany and will hopefully be able to send out a letter during or shortly after that time! Let me know if you want on the list!

Oh and a great big thank you to everyone who has made this trip to Germany possible! You all are amazing! Thank you so much!!

Tickets!

Today I received the information about my flight...in other words, I have my tickets to Germany! Its an extremely exciting day just because of that. I am to leave May 20th at 3:30 pm. Super cool! And come back June 19th! Its really awesome!

Today is also my last day at MACU/RBC. That's kinda sad, but has to be done for the summer months. No rest for the college student haha. I'll be leaving for Missouri tomorrow and will get there thursday if all goes as planned :)

You're going where?

Today is River Day here at Mid-Atlantic Christian University. What's that? You didn't know that Roanoke Bible college has had a name change? Well, it has and now you know. Now that that's out of the way, its river day. which is a day of sports and fun and everything. Unfortuently its also supposed to be my last day here. Which for me is kinda sad. I mean...I'd love to be able to spend another day just chilling out and not worrying about driving. spend more time with friends before I don't get to see them again for several months. Living so far away sucks sometimes. But that's what I chose. Coulda gone to a school much closer, but I didn't. Right now I'm supposed to be working on a couple papers and/or packing....instead I'm blogging... Really I'm hoping to get the chance to play soccer later today.
Yesterday my gel group had a cookout....which was flippin sweet. It was a great day ang I really am going to miss all of them over the long summer months. I keep telling myself there's only three till I get back here. Just three to make it through and it'll pass by in no time. Sunday was also my last time at Forefront for the summer. It sucks leaving such a great church and group of people. I'd love to spend all summer there and watch as the campus grows and as the youth get stronger in the bible and everything. Oh the joys of being a college student.
As far as the mission trip goes, only $263 left to raise! Kinda super excited about that. My passport still hasnt' arrived yet, which I'm really hoping it will today. Its should have been in last week, but who knows. I recieved a few e-mails from one of the missionaries I'll be staying with while over there and here's what he said about the city he lives in and I'll be working in ...
"Jena is a very intellectual city -- we have a little over 100,000 inhabitants -- and approx. 25,000 university students. The majority of these students come from the former East Germany and therefore have an atheistic background. There is such a need for more ministry to them. Jena is also the city with the highest percenatge of people with doctor titles (PhD) in Germany. Lots of scientific research institutes with researchers from all over the world. Although most of the cities in former East Germany are shrinking and deteriorating, due to lack of jobs and perspective -- really discouraging -- but Jena is one of the few exceptions, where things are booming -- with lots of young people and families. So, it's an influential city and from our experiences we estimate that about 80% of the population profess to be atheists. "
So there's a little bit about Jena. Its going to be pretty cool I think! :)

last week and mission update

Last week of schooling is upon us here at Roanoke Bible College. Its also known as the week that we cram a semester's worth of papers into sefven days and pray that we make it out alive. If you make it through, you get the blessed reward of summer. If not, well, then you fail.

Short little mission update...there's less than a month till I leave. Found out that I will be returning from Germany on June 19th at 11am and getting back to Missouri at 6:50 am the same day. $513 away from the goal folks!

Mission update!

Here's a little update for y'all on the mission trip...

Thanks to my gel group holding the carwash the past Saturday to help raise funds for me to go I am 600 short of going on the trip!! And that's pretty dang cool! I also found out that I'll be able to go to "the aspen of Germany", maybe Bolgaria (?), and will definantly be helping with a church plant in Jena and Berlin. Which is thrilling to me! All the rest of the mission info is listed below in a previous post (its not hard to find...its labeled "Mission yo!" and has a logo attached). Gonna need some positive thought and prayer support to raise the next bit, so if you could lend yours that would be great! Thanks so much to everyone who has helped me so far! You guys are amazing!

first phone blog!! ''You aren't call to come to Christ to just be good, you come to be godly.'' -askew

Almost summer....

So here's the 411...ain't been postin much because my laptop decided to commit suicide. At least that's what I'm calling it because I may be real techy and stuff, but I can't fix that. But not posting has freed up a bit of time to do interesting things...for example, I found out that glitter really does get everywhere and not many people appreciate that little sparkle in their day. My gel group really is the most amazing one ever. Chocolate bunnies should not be eaten in one sitting if they are bigger than your face. And last but not least, Redbox really can become like a best friend (11 movies in four days....amazing).

For those of you wondering about the mission trip...well this past Saturday, my gel group held a car wash for it. It was pretty spectacular and most of us got sunburned. There was a pretty great turn out, a maltese named Isabelle and lots of dancing. Unfortunately the dancing didn't make much...though we did have some rockin' moves! ---To the left...take it back now y'all...one hop this time!--- A fair bit was raised and now I'm just about 2800 shy of the original goal! Getting close folks! Also-- still planning to leave on the 20th of May. Unless something drastic happens ya know.

Classes are about ready to come to an end here. Which is a relief and a pain. Relief because summer is just around the corner! But so are finals. And those are never fun. Unless you pass every single one with an "A" or they are on whether or not you can do the hokey pokey. That'd be pretty sweet...a final on the hokey pokey...I'd pass that.

Well folks, I've got to be going. But I will be setting up mobile blogging so the posting will be more frequent! I know...tech stuff gets me excited too.... Until later-- Peace!

best times

For those who haven't caught up yet (or are completely baffled by the last post) Monday was my birthday. It was a pretty good day.....sans the classes part (haha). Went to Cardia (youth group) and chilled at the church office for a bit. It was a nice day. Then I got back and a couple of my friends came up to my room and surprised me with brownies and candles! Did not expect that at all. A hour or so later my ra comes in with cake balls! Not expected either! That was pretty cool. A few of the girls came in and hung out in my room for a bit, which was pretty nice.
Then last night I had gel group, which is amazing in and of itself. It was potluck night, which I loved! They had gotten me a cake! Which I didn't know about! And there were candles and singing and good times. My gel group seriously is the best ever. Not only did that all happen, but they are doing a car wash for my mission trip too! It'll be the 18th of April in VA Beach...you'll know it by the hot pink signs! Last night I felt so overwhelmed by love. It was amazing. Is amazing.
So in short, I have amazing friends, amazing gel group and an upcoming car wash :)

:)

New year :)

Yay :)

Mission yo!

I mentioned a while ago that I got an internship with Kontaktmission USA To go to Germany. I got the specifics of where and what the other day. I'll be in Jena DE (DE stands for Germany) and will be helping with a church plant there. I'm really excited about this and feel really called to do this. I'm posting my support letter below for those of you who didn't recieve it, or would like the full story behind it all. Thanks :)

*Praise!! Some funds have been raised :) Only about 3100 left to go :) *
Dear Friends,



Great news! I have been given the opportunity to join the European mission organization Kontaktmission (www.kontaktmissionusa.org ) on a internship to Germany this upcoming summer. This internship is one that I've been looking to go on for a while now. Since high school, I've felt called to go to Germany and share the word with the people there. It is a post-Christian country; many of the people there are not spiritually active and some are not even aware of the Good News. There is a huge spiritual need in the cities, suburbs and rural areas of Germany. This internship gives me the opportunity to reach out to the people and take the first steps to long term mission work with Germans.

There will be several different facets to this internship. I will be helping a local church, learning the language and customs, working closely with German people and growing closer to God. Everything from church planting, to youth work, to basic church office work might be done. It will be a very busy, but rewarding summer.

How can you help? To start with, I'm asking for your support in prayer. Prayer for safety on the travel, guidance, clarity and in all the things that will be going on during the trip and before the trip. Prayer is the most important element of any mission work and I ask that you pray often, not just for me, but for the people that I will be working with too.

The other support I'll need is monetary. I will be leaving May 20 returning August 9 this upcoming summer.The internship will cost around $3700, including plane tickets, all meals, boarding, training, materials while overseas. Please consider supporting me in this. You can use the enclosed envelope to send a check made out to “KM USA” with “Rebecca Hail” in the memo line, if you would like. All donations that you make will be tax deductible.

Rob Harris, US Director of Kontaktmission, asked me to include the following statement from him in my letter:

It is one of the great joys of my job to work with college students who have a genuine desire to serve long-term as career missionaries. After speaking with Becca about her goals and education plans, it became clear to me that she is very serious about her intention to serve as a long-term missionary in Germany. Our organization offers people like her the opportunity to “hit the ground running” by participating in internships. What Becca will be doing is not just a youth group trip or “missions tourism,” but rather a ground-floor genuine missionary experience, individually created to help her reach her goal to God’s glory. Thank you very much for considering joining us in helping her to serve and learn. -RDH

I'm really excited about this opportunity and hope that God blesses you for all the support that you will provide! If you have any questions about this trip or Kontaktmission or anything else, please feel free to contact me! Thank you for all you have done for me!

In Him,

Rebecca



rhail@roanokebible.edu

book

Currently I'm reading Wild at Heart. Yes I am fully aware I am a girl and am reading a boy's book....don't need to point that out. Its a really good book and everyone should give it a look. Unless you can't mentally change "men" to "people" while reading....then don't read it if you're a girl (haha)

planning and a story

Today was the day we were to start looking at the next semester and begin planning classes. Mine doesn't look to terribly bad, but it will be a little stressing. I'm kinda excited about it because I'll get to learn some new stuff...I'm just debating over two classes....yeah. But it seems weird to be planning this out....cause God tends to mess up the plans that we have for the future. Well not mess up, but rearrange. He also tells us not to boast about the future...planning and talking about classes is like boasting. Maybe not. I might be stretching for something to relate. Ok. Switching subjects.

⁴⁶Then they came to Jericho. As Jesus and his disciples, together with a large crowd, were leaving the city, a blind man, Bartimaeus (that is, the Son of Timaeus), was sitting by the roadside begging. ⁴⁷When he heard that it was Jesus of Nazareth, he began to shout, "Jesus, Son of David, have mercy on me!"

⁴⁸Many rebuked him and told him to be quiet, but he shouted all the more, "Son of David, have mercy on me!"

⁴⁹Jesus stopped and said, "Call him." So they called to the blind man, "Cheer up! On your feet! He's calling you." ⁵⁰Throwing his cloak aside, he jumped to his feet and came to Jesus.

⁵¹"What do you want me to do for you?" Jesus asked him.
The blind man said, "Rabbi, I want to see."

⁵²"Go," said Jesus, "your faith has healed you." Immediately he received his sight and followed Jesus along the road.

i like that story

Random Speaking Verses

There are a few verses this past week and today that have stuck out to me. There's no real order, reason or rhyme to it...just random verses that spoke in some way to me.

malachi 2:10
Have we not all one Father?
Has not one God created us?
Why do we deal treacherously with one another
By profaning the covenant of the fathers?

corinthians 6:12b
but you are restricted by your own afflictions.

galatians 5:26
Let us not become conceited, provoking one another, envying one another.

colossians 3:8
But now you must also put off al these: anger, wrath, malice, blasphemy, filthy language out of your mouth.

philemon 1:14
But without your consent I wanted to do nothing, that your good deed might not be by compulsion, as it were, but voluntary.

1 peter 4:8
And above all things have fervent love for one another, for "love will cover a multitude of sins*."
*proverbs 10:12

more rally and near death

So far the speakers in G. Rally have been pretty cool. I didn't much care for the first one, but that's my own thing. The mystery missionary was pretty cool! I really enjoyed his talk on how we need to show Christ to be able to witness to others. That by living the life we are supposed to be living we are going to change other's lives. Its kinda infectious in a way. It reminds me of that car commercial that had a guy pick up a toy for a baby and a lady hold open a door....a pay it forward type of deal. I mean, if someone is nice to you, you can't help but to be nice to someone else. Its pretty cool how that works. and by living that way, we'll be able to reach more people. At least that's what I got out of it. There's one more session going on tonight. I'm excited but not super excited about it. I'm running powerpoint for it so I'll be up in the booth feeling really tall and like a need a mic to talk to anyone. The slides for the session that I did not too long ago weren't hard at all. I just have a problem with worship leaders. It bothers me that they can never stick to the slide layouts. Randomly they will go over a verse again or go back to a previous verse or skip a verse....its hard to keep up with those guys!! Though I can't complain too much about these ones. They have been pretty good at sticking with the schedule. Beyond that, housekeeping is pretty ok. It hasn't been too terribly bad. I'm really excited I got to see a couple people from my church and Verve!! :)

In other news...almost got ran over by a semi today. A friend of mine and I had just gotten done at a couple thrift stores and we were sitting at the light waiting for it to change to get back to school. This semi was making a left turn into the lane next to us and I guess he didn't swing out far enough because he came within an inch of running over my car. No lie. It was one of the scariest moments ever...seriously thought he was going to run over my car and then me. But he didn't so its ok. got pretty scared and everything from it though. yeah.

So I've got to get myself back to the G. Rally and the playas over there. Peace.

G. Rally and Tangents

Gospel Rally is happening here on campus right now. From what I understand there's going to be a few speakers, some stuff will be announced and a game. The game already happened and was Alumni vs. current players. Needless to say the alumni got schooled (105 to 70). It was pretty sweet! Tonight there's a guy coming in to speak. I'm kinda excited to go hear him but it might just be all the hype. Right now...all gospel rally means to me is more work. I'm working housekeeping for it which means I have to clean after every session and make sure my normal cleaning stuff is done. Its an easy job so I'm not too bothered by it. I'm also going to be running powerpoint for the afternoon and evening sessions tomorrow. Which is pretty tight. We have dual monitors now (drool). Its so nice. I geek out every time I look at those pretty things. Its exciting for me. I love technology--though you wouldnt' be able to tell recently or by looking at me ha ha. I'm looking at maybe getting a new laptop soon. maybe.They cost a ton and I'm very reluctant on buying anything. I takes me forever to decide on whether I should buy something--expecially something big like that. Everything has to be just right, meet certian specs and everything. Its a long process. What's even worse is I've been thinking about this for the past year now. Yeah. At the least if I ever do get it, it'll be something that I want and need and feel proud of. That's just how I roll I guess.
Anyway, after Gospel Rally ends I suppose there'll be more spiritual minded stuff up here instead of my random blogs about my life and such. Yeah.
Tangent. It was really nice out today. I wish I had gotten some time to go skate!! I've been wanting to fully break in my board for a while now but everytime I get some spare time its rainy or cold or such. Killer. There's a couple of decks that I found too that I want to aquire one day. Totally diggin anything Dyrdek, Enjoi, Blackout or Girl right now. Oh to be on my board....
Ok. I've got to go make one final sweep of the gym and clear out any trash and junk. Oh the joys of working...
peace.

hsm #2

Ok, after a few days of anticipation, I guess I'll go ahead and explain the last post. The song is we're all in this together right? It talks about how we're not alone, everyone is helping everyone and we're all equal. Sound familiar? Remember how Jesus sent the disciples out 2 by 2....so they wouldn't have to go it alone? Or how the church in Acts sold all their belongings to live communially so no one would want and everyone was on an equal level? Or how about when God said that He loves everyone equally? That's what I find in the song. Pretty much the entire HSM series I can relate to the gospel....if you're not into that I really don't recommend watching that movie with me. Or Corpse bride for that matter. But yeah...that's the short version of it. One day I'll expand more I guess.

All in this together...

For some reason this song makes me think of the bible...
there's some great things that can be gotten from High School Musical. Just soak in this song and then come back later for the update which will happen in a while. Unfortuently my battery is dying...otherwise you'd get it now!

Loss and happiness

My power cord to my laptop finally bit the dust after three years. It was a sad sad day yesterday. But! Good news! By Wednesday of next week I should have a new power cord and be back in business. Until then though, I will be using the school's computer lab. not as exciting, no aim, nothing fancy.... but hey...it almost gets the job done. The major bummer of it all is that all of my papers that are coming due/are due were on that computer and I can't get them off! Smart planning I know. But who really plans for the event of failure? I mean...yeah. anyway...Last night was interesting. Found out the many ways that "The Little Princess" can be realated to the gospel. Talked to a person who I never thought in a million years I would talk to again. It was awkward...but really really cool. Kinda hoping that we can talk more sometime....whenever I get power back to the coputer lol.

There's a movie night tonight for ethe Chesapeake campus of Forefront!! I'm super stoked about it and ready to get there! Unfortuently I have to wait for check to come out then go to the bank, then leave to there...but I'm ready! The movie is one I've seen before but I really liked it so i'm happy with that.....plus I'm hioping that more student will be there. Which it looks like they will be!! Yup! Excitement! yes!

I just realized how terrible I spell without spell check...oh Fedex!! Send it fast!

Unanswered prayers...

Its been a hectic week so far...at least its halfway over!! Had a couple pseudo-meetings that went pretty well. Still amped for all the things that will be happening! Not so amped about the massive amount of work that is due/coming due because the end of the semester is nearing. Unfortunately, I can't put off the massive pile of papers....though I would really like to so I can go read some books in the sun!
Anyway, I was talking to one of my old friends tonight about prayer and not feeling like you're ever answered. Personally...I think prayer works...for everyone but me. That's a terrible statement I know, but its at least honest. And I'm sure there's a few people out there who feel about the same. My friend said that maybe the right thing wasn't being prayed for, which I mentioned the Holy Spirit is supposed to be interceeding for us so we do pray for the right thing. They said maybe its the mindset in which it is prayed. I'd normally agree, but when one thing has been prayed for in almost every mindset its hard to beleive its just that. My friend pointed out that sometimes an unanswered prayer is the answer ((that makes me want to sing "Unanswered Prayer". Its a country song. Look it up. )). That's true sometimes, but what happens when you get to evry prayer is an unanswered prayer? Maybe its looking too close at the details and not seeing the grand picture....but it sure is tough when you feel like nothing is ever answered and you're going at it alone...

these past days

As most know, I've been on spring break for the past week. Unlike most spring breaks, I didn't go down to New Orleans to work there, instead I stayed on campus and hung out and stuff. It was pretty uneventful until Wednesday wehn things picked up for a couple days. Now its back to the typical boring Saturday where I spend six hours trying to watch a two hour movie. Yeah. So this week I got to hang out with some of the people that I think are amazing. It was awesome to get to stay up there and not have to drive back and forth between campus and there to do everything.
So Wedneday went pretty well...had a meeting with Chuck (campus pastor) and we got a lot of things done. I'm supposed to be working on a few papers for that and all (shh...) and hopefully a few things will start moving and the ball will start rolling and the force will be unstoppable! I'm really excited about that and all the stuff that will be happening. Later that day I got to groom a dog, which is always fun for me. Its one of those things that I just like to do and enjoy a whole lot. It was awesome :) And then gel group happened. I seriously have the best gel group ever. For those who don't know, gel group is pretty much like a small group/bible study, but a lot cooler. Those people are amazing.
Thursday was all nice and laid back. Got the chance to hang out with an amazing lady who works for a sweet orginazation (http://www.frontierhorizon.org). She does so much for those kids and they really do a lot of good for them. Its pretty cool--check it out!!
Managed to finish two books while up there--Messy Spirituality and Irresistable Revolution. Now its on to In a Pit with a Lion on a Snowy day. Pretty awesome books. Definantly check out the first one. Its one of those, you should read because its awesome books. Also got to hang out at the Forefront office for a while. Totally thought it was sweet getting to chill with all the peeps there.
That catches us up to Friday. Which was fun in and of itself. Got to go to a gallery showing--which I love going to by the way. Met many artists who are very chill and talked to one guy who said he'd do a couple canvases of my photos for not a whole lot. I'm really excited about that because I've been trying to figure out how and where I could do that. Oh-- the reason for the art show was because my youth pastor , James, had a piece in there (http://www.jamesdavisonline.info/). It was really cool to see that up there among all the other paintings--it really stood out in a good way.
And all that brings us back to now, Saturday, and the watching of movies, finishing of papers, posters, edits and everything else I didn't do on the other days. Looking back...it was a pretty dang awesome week and I'm really thankful for all the people that made it so amazing. Seriously thankful for all of them...even the Starbucks lady that gave me weird looks for chillin in there for four hours. Hey, I was reading a book, and I did buy something...haha. Can't wait for Sunday to roll around and see somethings put in action.

p.s. it is somewhere around 72 degrees outside, sunny and there's a light breeze. don't hate :)

Camp?!

I'm watching Jesus Camp right now. I'm only a few minutes in and found it kinda funny that this guy said he's a "Christian. A Bible believing Christian." Do we really need to say that we are bible believing if we are Christians? Shouldn't that just be a given? I mean...what kind of Christian doesn't believe in the bible? Honestly...

Anyway...I'm ten ish minutes into it right now...it kinda scares me. These little kids...just wow. If you haven't seen it, don't see it if you're not secure. If you are, see it. Its different.

Ok...that's all on that for now. I'm going to go back and watch it.

Starbucks, baptism

Today's message was really great. It was a hard hitting one that was just...awe inspiring for the lack of better terms. It really hit the heart and was great. If you want to hear it, go to forefront and click media then messages. Its the last one in the broken people series. Its just something that you'd have to hear.

After church and hanging out in the food court, I chilled at Starbucks. While I was there, a couple of youth pastors were working on their sermon. Which was a sermon that we just did in the high school group. I thought it was pretty funny that we had just done that. I talked to them about it for a while and they took it a totally different route than we did, but that's cool. There's no wrong or right way about it. Just so long as the students learn. Managed to finish Messy Spirituality. Its a must read. Very cool book. Also, talked to a girl that I knew in high school for a while...she's in Poland now. It was neat to be able to talk to her and catch up with all that's happened in the past couple years and all. I love talking to people and hearing their stories and how they've changed and everything.

Later was the baptism service. Which was sweet. Claire went with me (after a hour at Starbucks--seriously believe the people there think I'm crazy lol) and she ran powerpoint and it was cool. Just being there and seeing stuff happen in people's lives is cool. Got told something that caught me off guard and made me extremely humble...but that's not to be revieled yet :) All in all it was a pretty good day. Tomorrow looks to be a slow one, as does the day after, but Wednesday.....Wednesday is gonna be a busy one :)

Compass, Ministry, Service

Apparently people get really up in arms when you tell them that you're watching the Golden Compass. Its supposed to be "anti-Christian and pro-atheism" but I don't really see it that way. Its a really great movie that tells how a girl saves a bunch of kids from this evil lady's experiments. At least that's what the first movie is about. I'm kinda hoping they make another one so the rest of the story will be found out and you're not left hanging at the part where they are going to go give her father something he needs. I don't understand where the whole atheism part plays into it, but if people want to see it, they'll see it. And yes I know that the author of the books said that's what its all about, but in the movie? Not visible at all. Sorry folks. Its not as blatant as the Narnia Chronicles--which I'm attempting to watch Prince Caspian, but the video player is being cruel right now lol.

On to a new topic, the student ministry that I'm in now is going well. There's a few ideas out there on the board that look like its going to start something new. I'm really excited about the stuff that's going to be going on. And not only that, but a few things were solved- kinda- and things are a little better. Hopefully the relationships that need to be built up will start getting built up. Next week is going to be mad crazy with all the activities that will be going on, but I'm so looking forward to it all. Really. This is what I love to do. Working with student ministry, planning things for them, working out the kinks, hanging with them and the other leaders....things don't get much better than that.

Tomorrow is Starting Point at Forefront! Starting point is basically the what we are and where we are going talk for new people. Its a really neat thing and they feed you lunch (always a bonus!). If you're new or new-ish to Forefront, come check it out and see what's going on. Also, its a baptism Sunday for the church! Totally a cool thing! Gonna go support the baptees and chill with some awesome people.

Yup. Hectic times, but goodish times.

spring break

Its spring break. Oh yes, starting at 1:20 today, I was released from the educational responsibilities and told to take the week off. Unfortuently, I'm one of the few people in the world who would rather be in school than on a break. I'm not sure what should be accomplished on this break...lots of homework will be done, several books will be read and a few meetings attended. That's about all that I know of. I'm hoping to get to do a little work somewhere to keep me busy because I hate not doing anything for days on end. Maybe God has something really cool in store for me this week....we'll just have to wait and see I guess...

E-mail!

As we all know, or now will know, I was offered an internship with Kontaktmission for this summer to Germany. I'm really excited about it! Its going to be a ten week stay and will involve everything from youth work to church planting. Today was the first day I received contact about it! Yay! First e-mail for luck and good wishes! It was the best part of the day :) Reading happy emails about that is always exciting!
Back to the mission, I'll be in Stuttgart/Jena Germany. I leave May 20th and return August 10th (or something close to the date in august). The trip costs a bit, but it covers my ticket, meals, boarding, materials, training, travel there...pretty well everything but souviners. Hopefully, I'll be able to raise the money in time to get there (if you'd like to support e-mail me).
The main thing I'm asking for from everyone is to pray that the trip goes well and that communication is understood and that everyone has a good time and the work needed is done. Prayer is the most important part of any trip!!
So yeah! that's the fun part of the day! Reading an awesome e-mail! :)

Winterjam

Today was Winterjam. Its pretty much this big concert with a lot of Christian artists. The day started off pretty normal, went to church really really early, helped set up a bit then went over to get Claire to go to the concert. We get there really early so we'd have good seats and all. For the time frame....its 11am and its rainy, cold and windy. Around 3:30 that afternoon, after standing there all day, this lady comes through the crowd asking for volunteers. I was like sure, why not? Claire has a friend so she'll be ok and I mean, it'd be cool to give a hand. So they station me at the special door with programs. I passed out over 1300 programs in a little over an hour. It was insane!! Then Paula , the lady in charge, asked if I'd mind counting money. And I was like sure, why not? Well, this is where it gets interesting. I go down to the room to count money and there's this girl there who says she knows me but I have no clue as to who she is. Turns out she's a girl from AWANA back in Waynesville, Mo. She worked in Cubbies and I worked in Sparkies but we were both in 24/7 together. It was insane!! We talked forever about monkey ball, baptizims, ninja tag, songs....it was really really cool running into her. How odd is that?! How small the world is to be running into AWANA buddies from years and years ago! So that's the crazy part of it, the awesome part of volunteering is that I was downstairs, backstage, right next to Tobymac's dressing room! I got to meet Hawk Nelson, Stephanie Smith, Brandon Heath, PuNRG, and many others! It was awesome, and when time came for the show to end, most of them remembered me and let me cut in to get my program signed and pictures taken. It was really cool!! Plus all the tech work behind the scenes.....oh my gosh. It made me wonder why I ever left theater tech. Just astounding. I'm hoping to volunteer again with them when they come through next year and when ever else I get the chance to. All in all today was pretty awesome. And now I'm wiped out and about ready to crash. Till later....peace...

Birds on a wire...

Me. Being the awesome person I am. Am reevaluating what I want to do in life. Its really scary because I don't know if this is what is supposed to happen, what will happen or if its just me getting antsy about everything.
Honestly though, I think what is going on with everything is a subtle kick in the pants of saying this is what I'm really supposed to be doing and that it'll fall into place someday soon. I just sent a e-mail to a person asking their opinion. And hopefully, they'll get back with me and let me know what they think and everything. I think that's what I'm supposed to do. There's that "heavy heart" feeling in my chest about it. Don't know if that's good or bad or just the effect of too much caffeine.
I've questioned my position in life so much. I've changed things so much. And the only thing that has ever remained the same is this passion that most don't know about. Here's to finding out what it means...

Gay and Compassionate

"As Christians, that should be our approach to homosexuals. We have seen clearly that God hates homosexuality, but as Christians we are called to treat people with compassion. We are called love people and demonstrate Christ to them. The greatest way to demonstrate love for sinners is to compassionately show them their sin. To withhold God’s hatred for the sin of homosexuality is not compassionate, even if it’s masked with the label of “tolerance.” Withholding the only truth that can bring salvation is the opposite of compassion; it is condemnation.

As Christians we are called to proclaim the truth; and not simply for truth’s sake. We are called to proclaim God’s truth regarding the sin of men so that through the knowledge of sin God may grant faith and repentence that leads to salvation. With homosexuality it is no different. If a homosexual will turn from their sin and turn to Christ, they too can be saved."

This came froma blog that I normally don't read because the people who write it I don't particularly agree with.Their views don't coincide with mine hardly at all when it comes to people with alternative lifestyles and whatnot. I agree that we need to treat everyone with compassion, but I do not agree that it is our place to show them their sins. Pretty sure that's the work of the Holy Spirit. Granted, if they come for advice, and are open, willing and really want it...then its our place to show them what they need to see. But nowhere does it state that it's our place to point out how wrong they are and how right we are. Remember the Pharisees? They let everyone else know about the sins that the people around them were carrying. Were they compassionate because they were saving the people from themselves? Yes, homosexuality is wrong, but we don't need to point out how wrong they are. We need to love them like Jesus told us to. That's what we're called to do. Not to point out sins, but to love. By loving them, we're showing that we care and are truly compassionate. It's not withholding truth or condemning them to hell if we don't point out their sin. If we love them like Jesus, eventually they will turn and see it for themselves. We don't' need to shove our "religion" on them and condemn them for their actions now. We should be merciful and meek. Kind and caring. Loving and nonjudgmental. And we need to remember that before we try to "fix" or "save" someone else from sin(s), we need to ask forgiveness for our own.

Mormons in E-City?!!

My friend Ryan and I had just gotten back from dropping off his passport stuff and getting mine (we had to come back for his check book haha) and we ran into some Elders from the Latter Day Saints. These guys were awesome! They wanted to know more about the school and sit in a few classes. Unfortuently, most of the classes were over because it was almost two thirty. So I showed them around, took them to the student life office, introduced them to a few teachers, showed them the library, gym, chapel, etc. We talked a little about our beliefs. They asked what I was and I told them Independant....which ended up getting explained as non-denom, but I was baptized as Baptist. They asked what the Baptists believes and I told them the best I could. Then Ryan asked what they believed and that was pretty cool. They told us a little about the guy who started Latter Day Saints and showed us their book and everything. After all that I asked them their names and they gave them to us. They thought it was pretty weird that I asked them that. They are really cool people and hopefully are going to come check out the classes on monday or later next week. One is from Vegas so I told him about Verve and what's happening out there and he thought that was really neat. He hadn't heard anything like that before and thought it could work with the right people. It was just really neat to meet them and get to talk. Not gonna lie--I was like a little kid in a candy store all smiles and fun. I love meeting people like that and getting to know what they believe and everything. Its definantly on the list of things I enjoy most. Plus they were really nice. And remembered names! lol Thanks Mason and Hugo! You made today awesome!

Captivating Speeches.

Classes are hard for me to pay attention in. I don't know what it is, but unless I'm doing something else--drawing, writing,etc-- I just can't pay attention. Not as much is heard, things don't click and its just miserable. Which is weird. It transfers over to bible study- "quiet time" and thing like that. But it doesn't transfer over to church and listening to sermons. I can sit quietly for an hour or so listening to a sermon. There's just something about the enthusiasm of the person speaking that captivates me. Not to be all biased or anything, but I do have to say that one of my favorite preachers is the lead pastor of my church. The way that he tells the stories and shares the messages is just captivating. Another is the pastor of the branch I attend. When he does speak, its dripping in wisdom and care. Its amazing to get to listen to them. Even if its just on the podcast that is put out. It just grabs you and holds you still like a good book. Its pretty awesome. There's a video on youtube somewhere that's called "That's my God." Its this preacher telling what his God is and everything. His voice is just so powerful. I love listening to him. And there's this group, CV Drama. Their stories that they tell just captivate an audience. Its awesome.

But sometimes, I get really jealous of them. Mostly because I feel like I don't have the gift of capture. It would be amazing to be able to get up in front of people and share what's on my mind and have them all on the edge of their seats begging for more. This isn't a gift that I think I have. It kills sometimes because I'll write out "sermons" "talks" whatever you want to call them, but don't have the guts to share them because of the fear that no one will like them or understand. And then there's the whole part of being a girl. People aren't keen on having a girl "teach" or share a message. Its frustrating. I'd really like to share some of the thing....maybe one day I'll put them up on here and see what comes of it...Till later...