Tuesday, November 9, 2010

outie of the innie

Today I was told that even though I'm open and willing to share who I am and everything, I'm not willing to give that information up. Its true. I've been burned before by people, so I'm not going to just readily give away information about myself unless the right questions are asked. It isn't anything against people, it's a self-preserving mechanism that I have adopted over time to save myself heartache.

Honestly thought, sometimes I wish I was more open.

Everyday I get to see people that are close. And today in psychology class when I was asked what the social norms were for the group of peers I was in, I asked the teacher what she wanted specifically because I didn't understand. I did. I just didn't want to sound like the loser who didn't have a real group to fit into. There is no one clique that I can point to and say, "Those are my peeps." It frustrates and saddens me a bit.

One day it'll change.

At least I'm pretty sure it will. Someday, someone, is going to notice me and decide that they want to get to know me better, know me more. And then, others may follow suit. Eventually there'll be a group of people that know me. The inner me. And not think its weird, strange or dorky. I'm excited for that day and hope that it comes soon. Because I'm tired of feeling like I'm on the outskirts of the inside.