Sometimes, mostly on the weekends, I am amazed at time. How slow it goes when there is nothing to be done, how quickly it passes when you're not looking. When I look back on the years that have passed, it feels like I was just in high school working on plays, studying lines, struggling through math, doing science projects and trying to speak German. Some times it feels like just yesterday I was playing on the beach in Hawaii and building houses for my barbies with my friend. Running through the woods in Missouri to find the pond to build fairy houses near or to try to catch a fish with some string and a stick. But then I look at all the time it took to get through all those memories, and it amazes me that I've made it this far. It's astounding that I've made it 22 years in life with a few minor bumps and bruises. I mean, I'm not exactly the most graceful person around, so I think my track record is pretty good so far. The way time moves is amazing. It speeds up when we're not ready for something, slows down when we can't wait and in a blink of an eye it changes everything. I guess all that really matters about time is what we do with it when we have it. I'm not going to lie and say I've lived my life without regrets or missed opportunities, but I'm starting to come around to the fact that I can take what time I have now and change it so that I will end up the person I have always wanted to be and held inside. Like Sartre said "No matter what we have been, we can make choices now and become something quite different." That thought from him made me think about the choices that I am making now and what I am doing with the time I have left. It's crazy to think that so much can happen with just a couple steps in the right direction. With a little luck and a lot of hoping added in too naturally. There is so much time left in my life, and it's insane. It''s taken so long for me to realize that what I was being formed into wasn't who I wanted to become. The person who I want to be is still there still waiting to get the chance to shine. That sounds amazingly cliche and really dumb. But it's true, there's something I've always wanted to do, and really believe that I deserve to take the chance and discover what I could be and what could come from it. And soon I believe it will finally be my turn to take that chance. I can't wait for that time, which means it's going to seem like forever. But when I make it there I'll get to look back to this and go, "Man, it just feels like yesterday I was writing about this." I can't wait to get to that point where I look back and say all those moments that are so long ago were the ones that shaped me. That those classes I took, those friends I made, those papers I wrote and those dreams I believed in gave me the tools I needed to make the right choices to become something quite different than what anyone believed I would be. I can't wait for my time.
Sunday, February 27, 2011
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Well the giveaway went well today. Quite pleased with it and the results. Got most of a second project done and it will get finished tomorrow. Yay!
Still looking at all the prospects for internships and grad schools. Really hoping I get a call from one of the places that I turned my resume into. Lots of crossing of fingers and wishing for the best. And praying that it'll all work out. Good wishes. Good thoughts. Positive thinking.
thought by Just Becca at 9:42 PM
Friday, February 25, 2011
Here's a picture of what it is. I know, terribly blurry. And no, if you guess it you don't automatically win...
thought by Just Becca at 10:24 PM
Put in an application for a really stellar internship, can't have too many chances out there! Fingers crossed people!
thought by Just Becca at 7:18 PM
Thursday, February 24, 2011
Today was the last Thursday in February so I decided to go up to the mall to redeem my Bath and Body membership card and my Victoria's Secret coupon. I walk into Bath and Body expecting a tiny little thing, like the travel size hand sanitizer. Wrong! What do I get? Three travel sized items! A gel, lotion and spray! Those are normally $5 each, so I got $15 worth of stuff free! Yeah! Pretty stoked about that and the fact it was a new scent! Whoo! Then Victoria's Secret had sent me a set of coupons, one for free and another for $10. I used the free one and gave the $10 off to my friend. She buys stuff there much more often than I do, so I knew she'd use it quick. Oh and the thing I got free was normally $8.50. So I got $23.50, before taxes, of things for nothing! Pretty much, this was an extremely successful shopping trip. Love Thursdays!
thought by Just Becca at 6:18 PM
Tuesday, February 22, 2011
Earlier I checked my blog and it said "1988" people have viewed this blog...since I put up the counter. That made me smile because I was born in that year and got all....awwww. Twas a happy moment in time. However that has passed and now I have to figure out how I'm going to manage all these bills that arrived today, plus spring break, plus living expenses. Gosh by golly I love it. (that was sarcastic by the way). It seems like that every time things start to look up, there's always something else waiting to take them down. I guess that's the circle of life, or is it karma? Either way, now it's become a super fun time trying to figure out jargon that no layperson knows. I don't understand why agencies make it so hard to pay them on time. All this tape and big words and general confusion doesn't make it easy to get payments to a group. And then you get fined for not understanding, telling them you don't understand then then being late because they didn't help you out any. What a terrible process we have.
I'm trying to find something positive to end this on.
I got the box I've been waiting to receive all semester. Has everything I've been waiting for since the beginning of the semester. That was a bonus. More books and chocolate covered cherries (with the clear center not the gross milky center). That's my positive note.
thought by Just Becca at 3:32 PM
Monday, February 21, 2011
Just so you all are aware, the spider has since moved from my window, and remains alive only because it was on the outside of the window and I'm three stories up in a building. Otherwise it would be dead.
thought by Just Becca at 10:47 PM
Sunday, February 20, 2011
I love Sundays. How calm and laid back they are. Also how much I accomplish on these days. Saturdays, I rarely get anything done, but Sundays...that's were the action is.
To update a bit on the accomplishments, I have three small bags, about the equivalent of a medium/large bag, worth of clothes to donate. I have a love hate relationship with donating. Mostly because I'll come across a shirt I haven't worn in a bit, but have before and the memories hit me and all. Or it'll be a piece that someone special to me bought me and I don't want to give that up. It's love hate. I love giving them away to people that I know will wear and use them. I just hate coming across memory pieces.
Also mostly finished another puppet. If I didn't give the puppet update on the last one, last weekend I made a horse puppet, MACU themed naturally. It is well loved and awaiting it's big screen debut. Right now I am mostly finished with the owl puppet. So far all he's missing are wings, belly, glasses and about two inches of his body. Other than missing those things, he does look pretty spiffy. Even has a bow-tie. He'll be starring in a movie along side the horse. Which has been named Mack apparently. Not creative. I would have gone for Murdock, Madeline, Murphy, Mumfrey, or Maxine. But it wasn't my call. Hopefully Mr. Owl will have a spectacular name. Like Fredword.
In other news, Monday starts the round of job calling again. Tuesday I have a pseudo job interview for a counseling center not far from my home doing intern work. I love interning because you get to learn a lot more than if you were just working. There's a place that I really want to work at over the summer and hopefully the person I need to speak to about it will be available on Monday to talk. Crossing fingers on that. Also have tossed out a fair few resumes and stuff to places in the hopes something will bite. Really hoping something there does. Also considering taking a few pictures to a place in town to see how they'd sell here. Oh and checking out venues to sell some crafty things. Considering putting up a flyer/business card up in a local coffee shop. Never know...
Speaking of items up for sale...if you're MACU affiliated, you should check out the hats in student life. Most of the money for the hat goes to the student life fund. As in, for the $8 you pay for the handmade hat, $6 goes to student life. And for every four sold, the fourth's proceeds all go to student life. Yup. Spirit hats. Get yours now, so you'll look cool next fall. And be uber prepared for spirity things.
Sidenote: turbans and headbands: yea or nay?
need. someone. to. kill. it.
thought by Just Becca at 3:27 PM
Saturday, February 19, 2011
Once again, it is Saturday. And once again I got to pull the normal college kid thing of sleeping in until noon. Part of me is glad for the chance to sleep in this late, but the other part is going, what is wrong with you kid? Get up! Get up! I mean I love sleeping in and my body loves it...but it's like half the day is gone and then to make it up staying up later is always the result. Ah well. I guess getting up at 10 is an adult thing to do and I'm just not there yet.
thought by Just Becca at 12:55 PM
Wednesday, February 16, 2011
Today has been a day of "Why did I get this piercing/tattoo? And why do I regret it now?" Total, I have 6 piercings and 4 tattoos. I used to want to have a ton of tattoos and piercings, but now, I'm starting to realize that isn't really me. The main tattoo one I am rethinking is the one on my back. not because it was badly done or is distasteful, but the reason behind why I got it wasn't the best. I also have an industrial, which I've had for, oh, three years now. I enjoy it, and find it unique, but also the reason behind why I got it isn't the best. Right now I'm looking at the future and the jobs that I want. Pretty sure having an industrial isn't in the dress code for that. My tattoos are easily hide so they don't really count when it comes to dress codes. Maybe I'm at the point in my life where I'm ready to grow up and out of the "Let me be me and do what I want to my body!" phase. Maybe regret is just hitting a little too hard. Could also be vanity. Which does play a huge part in life. Its weird. I can take out my industrial and feel a little lighter. A little empty in that spot but lighter. Sometimes I wish I had a clear retainer just so that for a week I can see what it would be like to look like the girl I used to be. I could also just be a bit dramatic right now. But if you knew the feelings, maybe not..Ok...here goes...
I got my industrial within the first month I came to the school where I am now. In that first month I had moved 1500 miles away from home, had no friends, was hit by culture shock and was dumped by my boy friend who then pushed me as far away as possible and a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm not going to go into right now. The year before, I had been contemplating getting one, mostly because my boyfriend had a bunch of tattoos, by a bunch I mean one, and had gauged ears and such. So I thought it was cool. When that month hit and life was hitting hard something in me went "HEY! You know that piercing you had thought about but was unsure about...yeah do that. That'll show him/them that you are tough and won't break down. Also, he might think it's kinda hott...since he did before." Lovely how the mind works no? So I did it. An entire maybe week of going back and forth and deciding before I went out and got it done. It's been cool having it, it's a great conversation starter...If you like every conversation starting with "Whoa. Did that hurt? Can I touch it?" And now, here I sit, wondering what and why I was thinking that and if I'm ready to give it up now. Am I ready to give up this part of me that has helped define me for three years? Am I ready to let go of those memories and move on? Or has it made me better in a way I can't see right now? Has it helped mold me into a stronger person?
These things I can't answer right now and the only question I'm trying to find an answer to is, Should I keep it?
thought by Just Becca at 3:12 PM
Monday, February 14, 2011
I got this uber cute bunny from a girl I get to watch :)
She's super sweet and funny.
thought by Just Becca at 4:17 PM
Sunday, February 13, 2011
Weekends at school are my favorite. There aren't a whole lot of people here and generally it's pretty quiet. It's like a mini vacation from the rest of the week. Plus it seems like the most productive time for me. I get a lot of crafting done, my room gets cleaned, laundry and dishes are finally done and put away. And I usually get to finish a book or two. And on occasion, I get to do something abnormal and go out on a limb that I've been wanting to do for a while. (Let's keep crossing our fingers on that!!) It's been a lovely weekend. Oh, and I've finally began packing up my bff's christmas/vday/birthday present! Whoot! Just got to put a couple more things in and it'll get shipped off to Arizona! Yay!! I'm excited to ship this off to her and I hope she really likes it.
Oh and if you haven't heard yet, 12 more likes on the Facebook page and it's giveaway time! Gotta love it!
thought by Just Becca at 3:37 PM
Saturday, February 12, 2011
Mattress surfing for the win!
There are very few pictures of the both of us
looking at the camera smiling and being normal
thought by Just Becca at 12:45 AM
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
I just finished the Valentine's Day themed Glee and it was great. Turned me into even more of a hopeless case than normal. But we gotta keep that on the down-low because I have an image to protect. I know that this may be a bit early, but I want to get a head start on it. Valentine's day is awkward to me. I never had a sweetheart for it until my junior year in high school. Compared to some of my friends, that's pretty late in the game. At that time, and every time after, I told him that I really didn't believe in Valentine's and thought it was rather dumb. Secretly I still wished he's sweep me off my feet, send me flowers, take me to dinner....anything. So, we never did anything. To my first sweetheart's credit, he did do something rather sweet which was buy me my favorite candy and wrote me a note. If you were wondering what type of candy that was, mounds. Love it. Anyway, I always held to the notion that it was a stupid holiday and meant nothing to me. Years went on and eventually I found my self at another Feb. 14 with my second sweetheart. Mind you, there is a gap between the first and second. I told him the same thing. It didn't matter to me and I was going to be at work any way and wouldn't want to do anything afterwards because I'd smell like dogs and be worn out (I worked in a petstore then). So, he and I did just that. Nothing. Still held the wishes for something inside but kept them quiet, because the holiday really is just a ploy from Hallmark to get even more of our money...right? Years go by and here I am now. Still not fully ready to admit that it means anything. But I think every girl has those thoughts inside. You know, the ones where that guy you've been dreaming of just happens to cross your path one day and your eyes just happen to meet and the world happens to stop spinning and time just happens to stop. That you'll get a rose, or any type of flower really (mine's a stargazer lily) in your mailbox along with a note that says "meet me at time at place- xo mystery man". That he'll burst out in song declaring his love for you and start a mass synchronized dance among everyone around.....maybe that's just in my dreams....but still every girl dreams of candlelit dinners, walks during the sunset, fireworks at night,romantic songs.... the whole shebang. And when it isn't there, we tend to get a little tenderhearted. It's a weird thing, this Valentine's day. It brings out those hidden things that we hoped to keep quiet and makes those of us that are hopeless romantics even more so. It's always hard being the h.c. and be surrounded by other people's love. Just got to keep in mind that one day, the whole time standing still thing may happen and then admitting that Valentine's is actually a kinda big thing will come. Until then...it doesn't mean a thing ;)
thought by Just Becca at 3:31 PM
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
- Crochet Circle
- Take home test
thought by Just Becca at 12:19 PM
Monday, February 7, 2011
Ever feel like the creativity just get sucked out of you sometimes?
what sucks is i feel guilty about it because it all starts when just one person walks in my door. it's too constant. too loud. and i feel so guilty to think this and to act this.
even worse cause i can't say anything about it. i can't tell them how i feel and how i hate how they are here for three, four, five hours. and it's making me sick.
thought by Just Becca at 10:09 PM
Today was the super bowl. Honestly, I wasn't that interested in who won or lost, surprise surprise. I was more in to the being around people and not being in my room and such. All in all it was a pretty good time with great food and such. My contribution was cheesecake cookie cups. Some of which are left over in my fridge if anyone is down for one or two. Got to say the talk that wasn't about the game was probably my favorite. R and I got this super awesome notion in our heads that after graduation it would be neat to run off to California for a year to try our hand at west coast living. I would love it, but I'm afraid of the family retaliation. Not all of them, just some. But I think, if I really wanted to, I could do it. At the very least I could do what my degree is good for and I do make a pretty good waitress. If only...one day...maybe....
Week until Valentine's day. Yay. My v-day gift is muffins from my grandma in Kansas. I'm excited for those cause I don't get them very often. Almost better than chocolate. Maybe I'll get myself some flowers too. Sounds pretty
thought by Just Becca at 12:10 AM
Friday, February 4, 2011
I decided to go ahead and give it all four legs tonight and here's it's process...
I am so happy to have it completely finished! Lemme know what you think :)
thought by Just Becca at 11:07 PM
thought by Just Becca at 7:08 PM
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
the directing of interest inwards towards one's own thoughts and feelings rather than towards the external world
but that's not today.
thought by Just Becca at 10:15 PM
Tuesday, February 1, 2011
It's official. I know have a pseudo 'store' front. Really it's just the student life area of my campus, but it's a step up. And most of the money goes to student life funds....but it's a step up! I'm starting to become legit! I'm still not a fan of putting stuff on etsy...which several people have suggested. Mostly it's because people have to wade through everyone else's stuff to find mine and there is not guarantee that someone will see what I make and like it enough to buy it. Plus, there's a bunch of fees on it. Maybe one day, when I have more followers and the fb page is getting more orders. I'd really like to see this take off more.
thought by Just Becca at 10:43 PM
I do wish I didn't sleep so much because it's like most of the day
I'm currently watching a horror movie with my roommate and friend.
My dog, cat and horses I completely adore.
The above picture is one of my favorites because it was taken on a
thought by Just Becca at 1:09 AM