Wednesday, February 16, 2011


Today has been a day of "Why did I get this piercing/tattoo? And why do I regret it now?" Total, I have 6 piercings and 4 tattoos. I used to want to have a ton of tattoos and piercings, but now, I'm starting to realize that isn't really me. The main tattoo one I am rethinking is the one on my back. not because it was badly done or is distasteful, but the reason behind why I got it wasn't the best. I also have an industrial, which I've had for, oh, three years now. I enjoy it, and find it unique, but also the reason behind why I got it isn't the best. Right now I'm looking at the future and the jobs that I want. Pretty sure having an industrial isn't in the dress code for that. My tattoos are easily hide so they don't really count when it comes to dress codes. Maybe I'm at the point in my life where I'm ready to grow up and out of the "Let me be me and do what I want to my body!" phase. Maybe regret is just hitting a little too hard. Could also be vanity. Which does play a huge part in life. Its weird. I can take out my industrial and feel a little lighter. A little empty in that spot but lighter. Sometimes I wish I had a clear retainer just so that for a week I can see what it would be like to look like the girl I used to be. I could also just be a bit dramatic right now. But if you knew the feelings, maybe goes...
I got my industrial within the first month I came to the school where I am now. In that first month I had moved 1500 miles away from home, had no friends, was hit by culture shock and was dumped by my boy friend who then pushed me as far away as possible and a whole bunch of other stuff that I'm not going to go into right now. The year before, I had been contemplating getting one, mostly because my boyfriend had a bunch of tattoos, by a bunch I mean one, and had gauged ears and such. So I thought it was cool. When that month hit and life was hitting hard something in me went "HEY! You know that piercing you had thought about but was unsure about...yeah do that. That'll show him/them that you are tough and won't break down. Also, he might think it's kinda hott...since he did before." Lovely how the mind works no? So I did it. An entire maybe week of going back and forth and deciding before I went out and got it done. It's been cool having it, it's a great conversation starter...If you like every conversation starting with "Whoa. Did that hurt? Can I touch it?" And now, here I sit, wondering what and why I was thinking that and if I'm ready to give it up now. Am I ready to give up this part of me that has helped define me for three years? Am I ready to let go of those memories and move on? Or has it made me better in a way I can't see right now? Has it helped mold me into a stronger person?
These things I can't answer right now and the only question I'm trying to find an answer to is, Should I keep it?