Saturday, January 31, 2009


I've been struggling a lot lately. I know...a christian? Struggle? Yeah, seriously. Christians fail just like everyone else. Get over it. Anyway, lately, I've been put in these situations where I give advice. Which is hard for me to do because, frankly, late at night I'm really apathetic and honestly don't care about anyone else's problems. I'd rather sleep. I enjoy sleep. I can't get enough of sleep. And it kinda ticks me off when people call late at night. But I always answer. And always will because its not in me to ignore a late night call...because I know its always going to be someone wanting to talk. That's not to say its ok to call me at 3am wanting to talk about going to lunch tomorrow. That I will get you back for--just giving a fair warning. So, I've been answering these calls and doing the best I can to give advice. Thing is...I suck at giving advice. The words that come out of my mouth when the advice needs to be given sounds so lame and cliche. Never does it sound wise or smart. And then half of the time I dont' say anything at all because I can't think of anything to say besides " can I go to bed now??"This probably doens't sound like much of a struggle, but it kinda is. When someone comes to you and lays all their burdens in front of you...what are you supposed to do? What do they expect? I don't have the answers. It frustrates me. In a way, I'm kinda flattered that they come to me, that they trust me with their problems. This isn't a blog to say stop calling me or anything like that, its a cry out. Not only do I think I suck at giving advice, but after they leave their problems with me, I carry them. I feel them weighing on me like a 100 lbs. suit. Different I know. But for some reason, it seems, when I carry the problem for the person, they are always so much happier. And that's the main goal right? Have others happy. Let them go on with life and live it to the fullest? I guess I'd rather carry the burden than have them do it. I'm not complaining persay about it...its just that sometimes I wish I had someone there to talk to too. That I had someone to share the burden with and sometimes, I want to not give advice. Sometimes, I want to not carry everyone else's burdens and live my life burden free and go on all happy and frolicky like everyone else. That's my big struggle right now. One of them at least. My phone is ringing. I better pick it up...