Sunday, September 26, 2010

stressed out.

I have one and a quarter papers to finish and a few services to type up. However, I do not feel motivated to do it at all. Its the horrible cycle of its not due till noon tomorrow and then the I know it'll take me all of an hour to do it. Now, its not that I don't know how to do it ('cept IBL. No idea on that at all), I'm pretty smart and a very good writer when the will and need strikes. I am just an amazing procrastinator. And what sucks more about that is the fact that it completely and utterly stresses me out. And when I stress, I stress about stressing and then become even more stressed out that I cannot stop stressing. All of that takes its toll in a few ways: either I can't sleep, eat or stop 'doing' or all I do is sleep, over eat and become lethargic. Never is it in the middle, always one extreme or the other. Like currently, I'm stressing out that I am not doing my work, which has caused me to clench my jaw all day, which means now I have a sore jaw and pretty nice little headache. Plus, this go around I'm in the second category so I have been loafing around all day. However, I did make some head way on my work. Its just not enough. What sucks even more is that because of my 'dealing' strategies, not even notices when I'm fully stressed out. The close friends I have can tell, but many others cannot. And when its the weekend and everyone is home, or on their way back, or just not here, there really isn't anyone to stop and ask if I'm okay and if everything is going well. Which is something that I would really love someone to recognize and ask. Not being asked stresses me out. That's probably weird. What's even weirder is now I'm stressing out that I can write an entire blog, but I can't get past a second page on a paper on my opinions. Ugh. Right now, I would like a dimly lit bath with a ton of bubbles and warm water, some good soft music, soft towels and a good book. Relaxation. A moment to recollect my self and then begin the slow, methodical process of typing.