Monday, November 30, 2009

12 days

To date, I am twelve days from leaving North Carolina to head back to Missouri for winter break. Part of me is super excited, the other less so. Ironically, I post a similar blog every time I am about ready to leave. Its a constant struggle between where I am, where I want to be and who I want around me. Part of that is I'm starting to realize just how much my family means to me and how much I do want them, at least some of them, around. Its taken me a long time, lots of journaling, prayer, talks to get to that point. But the other part of me wants to be super independent, not go home, bushwhack my own path....its so conflicting and ironic. I'd love to make my own way, but I am afraid to be alone. I am the worst person to leave alone after watching any paranormal show or scary movie (oh how I love them so). Thus, that makes me want to be with someone. A friend, family, just so I don't have to go to a house alone and be alone. It's weird to explain. It's weird to feel and be. ah well...if you get it you get it, if you don't, then ha. I feel so sporadic in my thinking at the moment. Holy Water- Big and Rich is playing and I'm going in my mind to how right now it explains me. Anyway, I'm mentally debating. Home. Here. Driving.
In twelve days, I leave.