Tuesday, August 24, 2010

Strawberry Milk

Ever have one of those days were everything inside feels off, but you decide to just go on and smile and act like everything is alright, because, you know, if you act it you'll feel it? That's today. That's actually almost everyday. I never really got the whole acting like one thing and then suddenly it'll make you feel that way. Like, if you act happy, pretend happy, laugh, sing, dance happy, it doesn't really make you feel happy on the inside. Maybe it works for some people, and it does work in short bursts I suppose, but as far as the long run it doesn't. Its about as effective as trying to suck up the oil spill with a straw. Great analogy huh? I'm not really sure what is off. It is quite possibly quite a few things compiled. Homesickness, feeling out of the loop, school starting, anxiety, new people, etc. It all just feels a bit off. But not "Oh my gosh my world is going to collapse" off, just " I kinda wish someone would notice and give me a hug and talk" off. And even though I am really good at actin happy, I mean good. If there were awards for acting happy all the time, I'd totally win it hands down. But it really doesn't make me feel good on the inside. It just kinda makes me wish someone would see through the five star act and let me know they care. I guess this is a part of growing up. Learning how to feel happy alone. Learning how to deal with periods of off-kilterness and getting on with it all. Oh, woe is man and his existence. Well, I'm going to log off of this and finish drinking my strawberry milk. Good luck, good night and love on.